Chapter 4 — The Seat Not Meant for Me

I slowly walked over to the wooden bench in the hallway and sat down, quietly taking out the phone my roommate had lent me. The faint, pale light from the screen reflected off my colorless face. I gently pressed the thin card in my hand and slowly snapped it in two. The remnants of my hope—the desire to be understood, to be favored, and to be treated with kindness by my own flesh and blood—vanished entirely. The money I had earned from my part-time jobs over this period was just enough to buy a brand-new phone and a new SIM card. Early the next morning, as the first rays of dawn broke and the city had yet to fully awaken, I walked out of the campus gates alone, stepped into a phone shop, purchased a phone of my very own, and registered a new number. All previous lines of communication were severed. From that moment on, I completely cut all ties with them.

7

After cutting off contact with my family, my life grew completely serene. I no longer received any messages from home; no more interrogations, no more criticisms, and no more emotional blackmail. When there are no expectations, there is never any disappointment. I poured my heart and soul into my studies and my life, attending classes on time, diligently completing assignments, and working steady part-time jobs during my free time. My life was quiet, yet unimaginably peaceful. I had naively thought that once we severed ties, we would simply leave each other in peace, each living our own lives. But I never expected that the fierce argument and the slap in the hospital that day would make Yu Xiao harbor a deep, unyielding grudge against me. In her mind, everything was my fault for failing to fulfill my duties as an older sister. She completely ignored the cause and effect, brushed aside all my grievances, and shifted the entirety of the blame onto my shoulders. From then on, Yu Xiao treated me as if I didn't even exist at school. We attended the same university, and occasionally our paths would cross in the lecture halls, the cafeteria, or the sports grounds. Every single time we bumped into each other, she would instantly turn her head away, her gaze cold and filled with disgust. She never greeted me, nor did she ever speak a single word to me. But it didn't stop there. She frequently slandered me in front of her roommates and classmates, spreading malicious rumors about me everywhere she went. She called me selfish, narrow-minded, resentful toward my family, cold-blooded, and unfilial. She claimed that at home, I had always targeted her and competed with her for affection. These petty fabrications gradually spread, and from time to time, unfamiliar classmates would whisper behind my back, casting strange, judgmental glances in my direction. I never offered an explanation, nor did I ever try to defend myself. Those who understood me had no need for explanations, and for those who did not, wasting words was entirely useless. Yu Xiao did not stop at slandering me on campus; whenever she called or video-chatted with home, she would intentionally or unintentionally embellish the stories to paint me as the villain. She told them that my temperament at school was eccentric and rebellious, that I deliberately targeted her and refused to get along with her. As time passed, my family's attitude toward me shifted completely into utter indifference and neglect. Through occasional chats with our cousin, I learned that my parents sighed frequently, and whenever my name was mentioned, their faces were filled with profound disappointment.

"Forget about her. Let her fend for herself and rot on her own."

They had completely given up on me. They no longer sought me out, no longer scolded me, no longer remembered me, and no longer pinned a single shred of hope upon me. All their thoughts, their affection, and their care remained exclusively poured into Yu Xiao. My older brother tacitly went along with the family's attitude, never once inquiring about my well-being or seeking any news of me. When I learned of all this, there was not a single ripple in my heart, no sorrow to speak of, and only an overwhelming sense of relief. Let them abandon me, let them ignore me, let the rumors entangle me—it mattered not. At last, I no longer had to act obsequiously to please them, I no longer had to constantly compromise, and I no longer had to gaze upon their blinding favoritism while torturing myself. I quietly weathered each passing day, walking a solitary path, focusing entirely on my own existence. Time drifted slowly forward; autumn faded, winter descended, and the weather grew increasingly bitter. I maintained my solitary habits, quietly attending classes, quietly studying by myself, and quietly working. Yu Xiao, on the other hand, remained the social butterfly at the center of attention—outgoing, sweet-tongued, and adept at navigating social circles. She was forever surrounded by a bustling, brilliant cluster of friends, her life a constant swirl of noise and color. Every now and then, through disjointed conversations with my cousin, I would catch wind of how my family was doing. They frequently sent boxes of snacks, thick winter clothes, and skincare products to Yu Xiao, regularly transferring living allowances to her accounts, and endlessly reminding her to take care of her health, eat well, and make sure she didn't catch a cold. Not a single person ever asked whether I had warm clothes to wear, whether I was eating properly, whether the winter chill was too harsh for me, or if my chronic stomach ulcers had improved. Not one person remembered whether I was hot or cold, and not a single soul cared whether I lived or died.