Chapter 3 — When I Left The Consultation, The Whole Hospital Was Panic

Those rumors continuously reached my ears. But I don't feel anything anymore. I'm like an outsider. Quietly return to the office. Quietly pack up your things. Each set of consultation documents. Each special medical record. Every piece of academic research. Every note that I stayed up countless nights to complete. I put everything in a cardboard box. Every single item is put away. It's like a part of my enthusiasm was buried. I picked up the nameplate on the table. Above are written four words:

"Expert Consultation."

A title that took me ten years of striving to get. A title that countless doctors pursue all their lives. I looked at it for a long time. Then without any hesitation. Throw it straight into the trash. The sound is not loud. But in that moment. It was like something inside me was completely broken. I stood up. Look towards the end of the hallway. There is a special door there. On the door hangs a sign:

"Exclusive Aisle for Consultation."

That's the place I'm most proud of. It is a battlefield for critical cases. This is the place where I fought with death for each patient's breath. But today. I just quietly looked at it one last time. Then turned around and left. Don't look back. From today. I have officially washed my hands of the sword. No more consultations. No more fighting. No more saving people who are not worth risking your life to protect. Because I finally understand. In this world, the people who are hurt the most... are often those who are too persistent in their principles. After announcing my withdrawal from all consultations, my life became surprisingly calm. I returned to my usual medical and surgical work. Every day go to work on time, on time after shift. Receive cases of appendicitis, cholecystitis or gallstones. Diseases that, in my career, have long been considered "beginner tasks". I am still as dedicated to each patient as before. Still careful in each operation. Still patiently explaining the condition. Still maintain a peaceful and professional attitude. But only I know. The fire that once motivated me to conquer difficult medical cases has completely extinguished. My enthusiasm once kept me up many nights researching medical records. The excitement every time facing a challenging surgery. All were frozen. My heart is like a dead lake. There are no longer any ripples. There were several times. Young doctors from other departments ran to find me with CT scans. If it were before, I would definitely pull up a chair and sit down with them to analyze every detail. Sometimes we argue until midnight. But now. I just politely smiled.

“I no longer participate in consultations.”

“You can find Vice Principal Ly to take a look.”

The other person's face showed disappointment and confusion. There aren't any emotions. Even felt a kind of retaliatory pleasure. Doesn't everyone think I'm not flexible? Then I will be "flexible" for them to see. If this system doesn't need my principles. Then don't expect to continue using my abilities. Echoes of Lady Trieu's incident still appear from time to time. Sometimes walking through the hospital hallway, I hear the nurses talking in low voices.

“Have you heard? Lady Trieu Really sending your son abroad to do something that 'activates energy'."

“It seems like it cost several million yuan.”

“It's true that if you have money, you don't know where to spend it.”

"Ignore a good expert like Dr. Lam and trust some scam artists."

"Whist! Keep your voice down! Don't let Dr. Lam hear."

I heard it very clearly. Just pretend not to hear. The corner of his lips curled up in a cold smile that no one noticed. Stupid people will pay the price for their stupidity. It's just a pity... The person who suffered the consequences in the end was that innocent child. Faculty parties also became awkward. Occasionally someone brings up old stories. Heaved another sigh of admiration:

“It's a pity for Dr. Lam.”

I just quietly raised the glass of water in front of me to drink. Do not participate in any discussions. Sympathetic eyes. Regretful eyes. Eyes waiting to see the fun. It all looks like countless small needles. Continuously stabbing the wound in my heart. The scales had just closed a little and were torn apart. Suffocating pain. But on my face. From beginning to end, it was just a polite and distant smile. I can't let anyone see my weakness. After I was suspended from consultation. The person who benefits the most is Dr. Vuong. He was originally my competitor for the position of Vice President. Now almost completely taking my place. Difficult consultation cases. Opportunities to demonstrate ability. Complex medical records. Everything fell into his hands. Doctor Vuong became more and more satisfied. At parties, he is always the one who talks the most. End of analysis of this case. Commenting on another case. The previous cases were all within my scope of expertise. Right in front of everyone. He laughed jokingly:

“Sister Ha, I think you are the happiest person right now.”

“No need to worry about life-threatening illnesses anymore.”

“Every day, I go to work on time and get off work on time.”

“Isn't life so good?”

I raised my head to look at him. Just take a look. Say nothing. That cold look made the smile on his face immediately stiffen. After work. I started working out like crazy. Treadmill. Fitness bike. Every day I push myself to the limit. I used my body's extreme fatigue to fill the void in my heart. Sweat flowed along my cheeks. Like tears that I can't cry out loud. I constantly ask myself. Am I wrong? Persistently maintaining the limits of a doctor... Is it wrong? If I'm not wrong. Why is it me who gets punished in the end? Two months passed. Not short either. My life is like a calm lake without any ripples. On the surface it seems like I'm used to it all. Get used to the lack of pressure. Get used to no more critical cases. Even start to enjoy this gentle life. But I know. It's all just pretend. The wound in my heart has never healed. I just used a really thick layer of scales to cover it up. I have finished writing my resignation letter. Leaving the medical profession.