Chapter 4 — When I Left The Consultation, The Whole Hospital Was Panic

Leaving the place left me disappointed to the core. Maybe not such a bad choice. I can transfer to a private hospital. Or simply change careers. But when I pick up the pen. Prepare to sign your name. I suddenly felt extremely confused. Since the age of eighteen. I was determined to become a doctor. Until today. Over thirty years old. Thirty years of my life have been almost closely associated with the word "medicine". If leaving the operating room. Leave the operating table. Am I still myself? One late night. After completing the last shift. I dragged my tired body back home. Just lay down not long ago. The phone suddenly rang. As a young doctor in the department. His voice was choked as if he was about to cry.

“Miss Lam…”

“The Emergency Department just received a patient with massive bleeding.”

“The situation is extremely complicated.”

“Rupture of the spleen with laceration of the mesenteric artery.”

“I... I'm really not sure.”

I was silent for a few seconds. The voice was so calm that no emotion could be heard.

“Call Principal Tran or Vice Principal Ly.”

The other end of the line was almost desperate.

“Headmaster Tran and Deputy Headmaster Ly are both at a meeting outside the province!”

“Can't go back now!”

“Miss Lam... I beg you!”

“Please come back and help me just once!”

“The patient is not going to last anymore!”

I tightened my grip on the phone. Before my eyes, a bloody image appeared in the operating room. The shrill siren of the vital monitor seemed to ring in my ears. Instincts of a doctor. Instincts have been engraved deep into the bones over the past ten years. In that moment. Crazy screaming inside me. Go save people! But at that moment. Another colder voice rang in my head. You have already declared that you will wash your hands of your sword. You are no longer the top consulting expert who can turn things around. Now looking back, what does it mean? No status. Authorless. If you can save people. The credit belongs to others. If it fails. All responsibilities are on you. I tightened my grip on the phone. Finger joints gradually turn white. Two streams of thoughts are constantly fighting in my head. On one side is the doctor's conscience. On one side is the cold reality that I used blood and tears to realize. I closed my eyes. Try to suppress the painful feeling in your chest. I struggled to utter three words.

“I no longer participate in consultations.”

I hung up. At the same time, turn the phone to silent mode and throw it aside. The room immediately fell silent. No more bells. There were no more cries for help. No one calls my name anymore. Only darkness remained throughout the room. I lay still on the bed. Quietly looking up at the ceiling. In the quiet night. I clearly heard each heavy heartbeat resounding in my chest. Thump. Thump. Every beat seems to be questioning myself. Don't know how much time has passed. Memories suddenly pulled me back to my youthful years. I just entered medical school. I put on my first white blouse in my life. Stand under the flag. Raise your arms high. Solemnly read the oath.

"I vow to do my best to ease people's pain and illness."

"I vow to dedicate myself to the cause of protecting the health and lives of patients."

"I vow to preserve nobility and honor of the medical profession..."

My eyes are full of enthusiasm. My heart is full of ideals. I used to think that I just needed to try my best. Just maintain your conscience and medical ethics. Then he will definitely become a good doctor. It will definitely save many people. But now. The vows that year were like a bitter joke. Every sentence, every word. They are all mocking my helplessness right now. I once risked my life to save people. Having stayed up countless nights for patients. Step by step on the line of life and death to regain the lives of so many people. But in the end. The one who was punished was me. The one who has to bow is me. The one who lost everything was also me. Think about this. I pulled the blanket over my head. Try to stop yourself from continuing to think. But the eye sockets were still silently heating up. A tear slowly slid down. Fall into darkness. You have changed after all. In the end... You have become the type of person I once despised the most. A cold person. A person who is indifferent to the life or death of others. A person saw a dying patient but still chose to turn away and leave. I was almost awake. Without knowing that. That phone call that I refused... Was about to bring about a wave big enough to overturn the entire hospital. That silence was finally broken by a series of frantic banging on the door. It was a stormy night. Lightning tore through the black sky. Thunder boomed right overhead. Heavy rain poured down, each heavy raindrop continuously hitting the glass door, creating a rushing sound that made people feel uneasy. I thought he was the building manager. Or some drunk neighbor knocks on the wrong door. Frowning, I walked over and looked through the cat's eyes. But in the next second, my whole body stopped. The person standing outside the door... was Principal Tran again. I must say that he is no longer the Chairman Tran that I used to know.