Chapter 5 — Gardenias After the Rain

After a month of living together, my abdomen began to visibly round out. Hao Chi and I discussed the matter and agreed to postpone the wedding ceremony, fearing that the exhaustion would be too much for me to bear. In truth, I felt the same way. I was terrified that if he ever grew to regret this later on, it would only make a parting all the more agonizing, so I preferred to keep our relationship quiet from the outside world. Yet, he stubbornly insisted on visiting my mother. The real problem was that I had not yet told my mother the truth about my marriage and pregnancy. We had no choice but to coordinate our stories beforehand, lest a slip of the tongue ruin everything when we arrived. I gave a soft cough and offered a gentle warning:

My mother has a rather old-fashioned and strict temperament.

I hesitated for a moment before continuing in a somewhat strained tone:

Just as you witnessed ten years ago, she is not the easiest person to reason with. If she were to find out that I had a one-night stand and ended up pregnant before marrying, she genuinely might break both our legs.

Therefore, for the time being, let us keep quiet about that. Just tell her that you are simply my boyfriend.

Hao Chi tilted his head and smiled, reaching out to take my hand.

Very well, I understand. Leave everything to me and do not worry.

I had called ahead to warn my mother, but the moment she laid eyes on Hao Chi, astonishment flickered across her stern face. I led him inside, my cheeks burning with embarrassment, and introduced him in a soft voice:

Mother, this is my boyfriend, Hao Chi.

Hello, Madam.

Come inside.

My mother was hardly warm toward him, though she stopped short of outright hostility. I assumed this was simply her natural disposition, having never brought a boyfriend home for her approval before, leaving me with nothing to compare it to. Until, that is, the evening meal concluded, and Hao Chi broached the subject of our plans to marry by the end of the year. I watched in real time as my mother’s expression darkened into a heavy scowl. Panic seized me so completely that I instinctively reached for a glass of milk tea to soothe my nerves. I took a single sip, and a violent spasm tore through my stomach. Unable to suppress it, I rushed frantically toward the restroom to dry heave. As I stumbled back out into the hallway, I collided directly with my mother, who was waiting for me. Without warning, she delivered a sharp, resounding slap across my face:

You are pregnant, aren't you?!

The blow left me dizzy and completely disoriented, incapable of a swift reaction. By the time I regained my senses, Hao Chi had already rushed to my side, pulling me firmly into his protective embrace. His voice was calm yet resolute:

Madam, Tinh Nian's nerves are already fragile; please do not strike her.

All the strength seemed to drain from my mother’s body in an instant. She staggered backward before collapsing heavily onto a chair. Tears streamed down features that had hardened through decades of hardship. Pointing a trembling finger at me, her voice shaking with a volatile mixture of anger and bitter disappointment, she cried out:

Song Tinh Nian, have you completely forgotten my warnings?

Never place your trust entirely in men! Never allow yourself to conceive a child before marriage!

Have you forgotten how your mother has survived these past twenty-some years?

Do you have any comprehension of how agonizing it was to raise you all alone?

Do you truly wish to walk the exact same wretched path as your mother?!

I sat in utter silence, unable to muster a single word of defense. Overcome with fury, my mother retreated into her bedroom and slammed the door shut with a violent crash. With her departure, my remaining strength evaporated, and my legs buckled beneath me. I would have crashed to the floor had Hao Chi not caught me just in time. I bit down hard on my lower lip, a hollow, aching void tearing through my chest as if someone had carved a cavern in my heart. Hao Chi gently reached out, pressing his thumb against my lip to stop me, his voice a soft murmur:

Be a good girl. Do not hurt yourself like this.

I buried my face against his shoulder, clinging desperately to the sole source of warmth left in my world.

I am so cold... will you hold me for a little while?

Hao Chi offered no words, only tightening his arms around me in a profound, unbroken embrace. It was fierce, yet gentle—and within that circle of safety, my frozen heart slowly began to thaw. Childhood memories cascaded unbidden through my mind. Whenever I erred as a little girl, my mother would unleash her fury: she would curse the day she gave birth to me, claiming she should have traded my life to save her infant son, declaring that had I not been born a girl, my father never would have abandoned us for another woman. In those moments, a searing hatred would consume me—I hated my mother, I hated the father I never knew, and I hated the twin brother who had died because of me. Yet, whenever a neighborhood child dared to taunt me as fatherless, my mother was invariably the first to charge into the fray. Wielding a broom, she would unleash a torrent of savage rebukes that never missed their mark. She could never bring herself to purchase new garments for her own back, yet every single year she bought me a brand-new schoolbag. She would always tell me: As long as you apply yourself to your studies and grow into an upright human being, this mother will not have lived in vain. I intertwined my fingers with Hao Chi's and whispered into the quiet air:

Hao Chi, I never had a father. Not for a single day since the moment I drew breath.

When my mother carried us, she bore twins—a boy and a girl. But I absorbed all the nourishment, leaving my brother stillborn the moment we entered the world.

When my father discovered there was no surviving son, he abandoned us to start a new life with another woman.

He had promised to marry my mother once we were born, but because of me, she remained unwed for the rest of her days.

I truly am a wretched, ungrateful daughter.

Hao Chi smoothed my hair with infinite tenderness, lowering his head to press a soft kiss against my forehead:

This was never Tinh Nian's fault.

Tinh Nian carries no blame.

You are the most dutiful, precious girl in this entire world.

That night, I drifted into sleep cradled securely within his arms. Perhaps because of his steadfast presence, I was spared the haunting nightmares of my past for the first time I could remember. When dawn broke the next morning, my mother still refused to emerge from her bedroom. I stood quietly outside her door, offering a gentle farewell:

Mother, please do not worry yourself over me. The truth is that Hao Chi and I are already legally married; we merely kept it secret because we feared causing you undue distress.

Rest assured, I will live a good life. As for the child... we will raise it together.

It was the only promise I dared to make. I lacked the courage to guarantee that Hao Chi and I would find eternal happiness or remain side by side until the end of days. Yet, in that quiet moment, he stepped forward to voice the very assurances I was too terrified to hope for:

Madam, I give you my word that I will cherish Tinh Nian for the rest of my days, and together, we will nurture and protect the child we share.