Chapter 9 — Gardenias After the Rain

She expressed her heartfelt gratitude to me. I stood there, utterly at a loss for what to do, and inadvertently exposed the pack of cigarettes hidden in my pocket. She looked genuinely astonished. She had no idea that I had taken up smoking solely to recapture the faint, refreshing hint of mint that always lingered around her. I used to tell myself that if I could not win her affection, then so be it; I would settle for becoming the person she despised the most. That was why I had deliberately brought up the past, though the outcome had hardly been favorable. Song Xingran had grown unusually quiet, retreating back to the private dining room to drink heavily. Given that her tolerance for alcohol had always been poor, she eventually ended up completely intoxicated.

Overwhelmed with guilt, I volunteered to take her home. Zhou Zhi had winked at me knowingly, a teasing grin spreading across his face as he said, Hao Chi, I will be expecting an invitation to your wedding next month. I had no idea what nonsense he was rambling on about; my only clear memory was supporting Song Xingran as we left. It was the first time I had ever seen her drunk, and she was inexplicably adorable. She even kissed me. She was far too sloshed to remember her own home address, leaving me with no choice but to bring her to a hotel. As I helped her onto the bed, she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and refused to let go, murmuring softly, It smells so wonderful... Curious, I asked her, What smells wonderful? Between tears and laughter, she replied, The gardenia scent... the gardenia scent on Liang Hao Chi is so comforting.

I felt as though I had been struck by lightning. My mind raced as I desperately tried to recall the fragrance of the fabric softener I used at home. Gardenia... so it really was the scent of gardenias. I had never changed my laundry detergent, yet I had never paid attention to it either. After that... my recollection grows hazy. I can only remember the three words gardenia echoing endlessly in my mind, alongside the intoxicating sensation of drifting through a dream—a dream in which Song Xingran had always loved me. The one sentence that stuck in my memory was her whispering, I want to offer my own body as repayment to make amends.

When I finally regained my senses, she was lying there completely naked. How could I... possibly resist? Very well... I was in the wrong. I was despicable, utterly failing to maintain my self-control. In short, it had all happened. Yet the very next morning, Song Xingran fled. I was utterly bewildered—did she not love me? Why would she run away? When I asked Zhou Zhi, he simply said, She is just feeling shy, give her some time to adjust. Very well. I had already waited ten years; what difference would a few more months make? Never did I imagine that instead of a reunion, I would be met with the shocking news that she intended to abort our child. God knows the sheer terror that gripped my heart when I saw her lying there on the operating table; I felt like I was dying of fright. I was genuinely furious. I had given her time to think things through, and yet her chosen solution was to abandon me. I halted the procedure immediately and ordered her to wait in the duty room.

Taking advantage of my rounds to check on the wards, I tried to calm my racing thoughts and contemplate our future. I had made up my mind. Regardless of whether Song Xingran still loved me or not, I needed to give her a proper status. It was a debt I owed her, and I had to take responsibility. I had also pondered my own feelings deeply, though I dared not affirm whether this love remained the same as it had been ten years ago. I was terrified that it might merely be the lingering echo of the past, or nothing more than the impulsive rush of hormones from three months ago. I had no desire to cheapen the pure affection she held for me. Therefore, right before we went to register our marriage, I honestly confessed to her that I... was not entirely certain. The moment the words left my lips, instant regret washed over me, for Song Xingran’s face immediately fell into profound sorrow.