Chapter 1 — Half a Life for a Life

After five years of donating my liver to save my brother, my body still cannot recover. Because of me, my mother gave up her favorite dish of sticky rice wine and dessert. Dad kept everything in the house that smelled of alcohol, even cooking wine was replaced with sliced ginger. Every night, my younger brother, A Nghien, warmed up milk for me, squatted next to the wheelchair and coaxed me to swallow handfuls of medicine. The whole family always says:
“Han Han, you saved A Nghien's life.”
“In the future, my whole family will take care of my child for the rest of my life.”
I believe. It was those words that helped me grit my teeth to overcome post-surgery complications time and time again. Later, his younger brother got married. The future in-laws raised their glasses, saying that the sister who saved her brother's life must drink a glass of wine to celebrate. That day, all my internal organs and six organs were in pain as if they were being torn apart. I had to say softly:
“I can't drink alcohol, can I change to water?”
The sister-in-law's eye sockets immediately turned red.
“You really can't drink, or do you want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that A Nghien's life was saved by you?”
The entire banquet table fell silent for a moment. Mom seemed to have finally found a place to vent all her suppressed emotions for so long.
“It's just a sip of wine, do you have to make your younger brother be grateful to you for the rest of his life?”
"Today is his happy day, not my child's medical report!"
Dad also looked at me with red eyes.
"For the past five years, the whole family has always revolved around me, filled with fear, not even daring to drink a sip of wine."
“We have had enough!”
"Today, even if you drink to death, don't ruin your little brother's fun."
I looked at each of their tired faces. Looking at his brother's silent silence, he was filled with awkwardness. Suddenly I understood something. A Nghien has a family. Parents should also have their own new life. As for me... I can finally return them to themselves.
01
Tiny air bubbles float in the glass. The strong smell of alcohol rushed straight to my nose, making my eyes sting. It's been five years since I smelled this scent again. Since the day I signed the surgery consent form, the doctor has told me countless times:
“Absolutely do not drink alcohol for the rest of your life.”
“Not even a little bit.”
“Your body won't be able to handle it.”
Those words... My parents and A Nghien have both heard them. Even remembers it better than me. But at this moment... Everyone is looking at me. Everyone said. What's wrong with just one glass of wine? So I raised my head and drank the glass of wine in one gulp. As soon as the liquid flowed down my throat, I felt like a red-hot blade was slit from my esophagus deep into my body. The pain was so much that I almost wanted to bend over on the spot. But I still endured. The corners of his lips curled up awkwardly, smiling and saying:
“Wishing A Nghien and Tieu Mong a silver-haired old man.”
Applause and cheers immediately rang out. Someone complimented me on my generosity. Some people say that she's a true sister, and she still knows things when it's important. Mom breathed a sigh of relief. Dad felt like he had just lifted a rock from his heart. Tieu Mong wiped the corners of her eyes and smiled again. Only A Nghien stared at me, his face a little pale. He asked softly:
“Sister, are you really okay?”
I want to say. It's okay. I want him to push me back to my room. I want him to squat down like before, touch my forehead and ask:
“Are you in pain again?”
But Tieu Mong gently leaned on his shoulder, her voice trembling: “Ah Nghien, I'm so dizzy.”
"Were you too nervous just now? Can you help me sit over there and rest for a while?"
A Nghien looked at me. Looking again at his newlywed wife swaying in his arms. His eyes were filled with awkwardness. That awkward look… I've seen it too many times. Since he met Tieu Mong, every time my parents weren't home, I was sick and needed someone to take me to the hospital, and he was preparing to go on a date... He always showed that look on his face. Before, I always laughed and said:
“It's okay, go ahead.”
This time... No exception.
“I'm okay.”
I tightened my grip on the wheelchair's armrests, trying to make my voice sound calm.
“Let me take her to rest first.”
Obviously, A Nghien breathed a sigh of relief.
“Wait for me, I'll be back later.”
Having finished speaking, he helped Tieu Mong go away. But before my eyes there was darkness. All the laughter in my ears seemed to be separated by a thick layer of water. I want to call you. Want to call mom. Mom is smiling and pouring tea for the in-laws. Want to call dad. Dad was drinking wine with the guests on A Nghien's behalf. His rare face had the spirit of the old days. Want to call A Nghien. But he didn't take Tieu Mong on vacation. He was raising his glass to toast the guests. The entire banquet hall is wishing the two of them a hundred years of happiness. Suddenly I understand. I can't call anyone. I've been bothering them for too long. So I gritted my teeth, tightened my grip on the wheelchair's armrests, and little by little pushed myself toward the room. The bustling laughter of the wedding party still followed behind. How noisy. It's so noisy like in this house... There has never been a person named Khuong Han. Don't know how much time has passed. I finally returned to my room. The moment the door closes. All noisy sounds outside were immediately completely blocked out. The surroundings fell into silence. I took out a small bottle from the deepest drawer. It was A Nghien's celebratory wine prepared as a return gift for guests. I kept one bottle. Think of it as a memory. But now… It has become my final retreat. A Nghien has a new life. As for me... I should also get my parents out of the bottomless pit named after me. I opened the bottle. The strong smell of alcohol wafted up. For the first time, I was no longer afraid. As the burning sensation spread across my throat again, I curled up in the wheelchair, letting the pain pile up one after another. It hurts to the end... My world is just white. I don't know how much time has passed. I… No more pain.
02
When I open my eyes again. My whole body felt light. I saw myself floating in mid-air. Head down. It was clear that he was still sitting in a wheelchair. His face was white and almost transparent. Lips dry, cracked and purple. The baggy clothes hung loosely on her body, which was just skin and bones. At my feet was a small, empty bottle of white wine. The red word Joy on the bottle's body is still strangely dazzling. I looked for a long time. Then suddenly burst into laughter. It turns out... Death really makes people feel relieved. My legs imprisoned me for five years. Finally no more pain. The body always implicates everyone... Finally quiet. Not long after. Outside the door, a burst of loud laughter rang out.