Chapter 11 — I Never Made It to Nam Thanh With You

But you already promised that you would accompany me to Southern City.

He circled back to his original point, as if he believed that if my thoughts were simply slower than his own arrangements, they would automatically lose their validity.

Gu Yanli, I never made any such promise. It has always been you saying that you wanted to go to Southern City, and I merely refrained from objecting.

Does not objecting not count as a promise?

It does not.

I looked him straight in the eyes and articulated every word with deliberate clarity: It was only because, at the time, I did not dare to refuse you.

Gu Yanli’s expression shifted instantly. Perhaps, in his mind, the affection I held for him had always been a foregone conclusion. He was accustomed to me trailing behind him, accustomed to me packing his belongings, accustomed to my presence whenever he felt the need, and accustomed to the meager, charitable scraps of tenderness he occasionally tossed my way. It had never crossed his mind that I, too, could grow weary.

What do you mean by that?

I mean that I will not be going to Southern City. Furthermore, regarding the design proposal for the Moon Pavilion, I will no longer be sharing the authorship with you. As for the event scheduled for nine days from now, I will personally clarify the situation to the elders of both our families.

Only nine days remained. Once the survey results were in, I would bring a definitive end to this coerced marriage—a union I had never truly consented to in the first place. A trace of panic finally flickered across Gu Yanli’s face.

Are you attempting to break off our engagement?

I did not deny it. He fell into a long, heavy silence, as if he were calculating exactly how much of my declaration was rooted in truth. Finally, he took a step toward me.

Jianyue, we have known each other for eighteen years. You cannot simply negate everything we have built just because of a few unpleasant moments these past few days. Song Yuanning’s situation—that was my failing in how I handled things. I will be more mindful of the boundaries in the future.

He spoke with such apparent sincerity. Had it been the version of me from my previous life, I might have softened. I had waited for so long; if he had only been willing to admit a single mistake, I would have immediately scrambled to find countless excuses to justify his actions on his behalf. But I understood his definition of boundaries all too well. It meant continuing to care for Song Yuanning while hiding it from my sight. It meant promising to dine with me, only to rush away the moment Song Yuanning called. It meant marrying me, while forever holding a place in his heart for another woman.

That will not be necessary, I said. You do not need to distance yourself from her on my account.

Gu Yanli’s brows relaxed slightly, clearly assuming that I had finally decided to concede. In the very next second, I continued: Because from now on, whoever you choose to associate with has nothing to do with me anymore.

The expression on his face froze.

Lin Jianyue, must you insist on saying such hurtful things just to provoke me?

These are not words spoken out of petty resentment.

Then look me in the eye and say it again.

I raised my gaze to meet his, not flinching in the slightest. Whether you choose Song Yuanning or anyone else, it is of no consequence to me. I no longer need you.

When Gu Yanli finally departed, his complexion was ghastly. He did not continue the argument, merely leaving behind a cold, detached remark: Wait until you have calmed down, and then we shall speak of this again.

I did not see him out. He still refused to believe me. That was fine. It was his freedom to choose to believe only the answer he wanted to hear, just as it was my right to leave. That evening, He Manru called me. Her tone was incredibly gentle, as if she were completely oblivious to everything that had transpired.

Jianyue, are you free tomorrow afternoon? I would like to take you to try on the gown for the inauguration ceremony.

That will not be necessary, Auntie.

Why ever not? She laughed brightly. That day is not only the opening of the ancestral estate, but also a momentous occasion for you and Yanli. I spent so much time picking out a gown—I finally found one in a beautiful, moon-white silk.

Moon-white, yet again. Two days ago, Song Yuanning had been wearing that very same color.