Chapter 1 — Unwittingly Adrift

Upon reaching the age of maidenhood, Pei Yu coaxed me into his embrace and robbed me of my purity. It hurt immensely, yet he merely soothed me with a gentle, tender voice.

A woman always finds her first time painful, my sweet Ruo. Be good, and I shall be much more tender with you hereafter. Will you not?

In truth, whether Pei Yu treated me with gentleness or cruelty, I had no choice but to endure it all in silence. I was an orphan; before drawing their final breaths, my parents had entrusted me entirely to the care of the Pei family. Our two households had long ago exchanged betrothal pledges, with the sole understanding that once I reached my coming-of-age year, Pei Yu would take me as his lawful wife. Yet he never once brought up the topic of marriage. Instead, he grew increasingly obsessed with intimate interludes, summoning me to his chambers night after night. Once, I inadvertently overheard a conversation between him and a circle of his close companions. Someone had inquired with a chuckle.

That girl, Lin Ruo… what does it feel like when you are intimate with her?

Pei Yu had laughed, replying carelessly.

Quite snug.

The other man pressed further.

Then why have you not married her yet?

Pei Yu emitted a soft, cold scoff.

She possesses not an ounce of proper discretion or self-respect. The other day, I merely told her to spread her legs, and she actually obeyed in such an obedient, submissive manner.

A woman of that sort is no different from a common courtesan.

At most, I am merely amusing myself with her for a spell. Once I grow weary of the game, I shall bestow her upon you all to play with in turn.

Within the courtyard of Pei Yu’s residence, the crisp clinking of jade wine cups mingled with unending laughter and chatter. A group of his young companions gathered closely around a wine-laden table. One of them let out a loud, teasing laugh.

Brother Pei, Lin Ruo is truly a breathtaking little beauty capable of stirring one’s soul. You are blessed indeed.

Pei Yu raised his cup, leaning back lazily against the carved wooden chair.

What blessing is there to speak of?

I merely whispered a few coaxing words, and she willingly climbed into my bed of her own accord. How is she any different from the courtesans outside?

Another man lifted his cup with a smile.

That may be so, but regardless, she is still a maiden raised under the roof of the Pei household. If you refuse to marry her, what is to become of her in the days to come?

Pei Yu took a slow sip of his wine, an ambiguous, mocking smile playing on his lips.

Before their dying breaths, her parents indeed knelt before my mother, earnestly begging the Pei family to take her in and care for her.

The two families had indeed settled upon a matrimonial alliance long ago.

Yet so what?

She is merely a plaything for me to toy with as I please; does she truly dare dream of being carried through my front gates as a proper wife?

The Pei family lineage has not yet fallen so low as to lower themselves to such a degree.

The entire table erupted into laughter, louder and more unrestrained than before. Standing quietly outside the window, my whole body felt as though it had been plunged into freezing water. A sudden, sharp memory pierced my mind—the very first night Pei Yu had summoned me to his private quarters. He had looked at me and asked.

Ruo, you love me, do you not?

My face had flushed crimson, and I nodded. He had reached out, gently stroking my cheek before speaking with infinite tenderness.

I cherish you deeply as well. I shall most certainly marry you. Do not be afraid later, alright?

I had foolishly believed those were his solemn vows. That was why I surrendered myself so completely. Yet now, he dismissed me as a woman devoid of virtue, comparing me directly to a common prostitute. My chest constricted as if caught in a merciless iron grip, the pain so acute I could scarcely draw breath. My father had once been a scholar of some renown within the capital city. My mother came from a family of merchants, possessing a gentle and virtuous disposition. But a sudden, ravaging plague swept through and claimed them both. With no surviving relatives left to turn to, my father, in his final moments, entrusted me to the care of a distant relative, the Pei family.

My daughter is of a tender and yielding nature, easily bullied by others.

Elder sister, I humbly beseech you to look after Ruo.

Old Madam Pei had nodded and accepted the plea. I was eight years old that year. Pei Yu was ten. When I first moved into the Pei estate, he was practicing his calligraphy in the courtyard. He raised his head and cast a glance in my direction. The young master possessed clear brows and bright eyes, speaking with a gentle warmth.

Are you little Ruo?

Do not be afraid. From now on, I will take care of you.

From that day onward, Pei Yu truly did care for me through the passing years. When the winter winds grew biting cold, he would slip his own hand warmer into my coat. In the stifling heat of summer, he would patiently fan me himself, often dozing off right beside me once the breeze lulled him to sleep. There was one New Year’s Eve when fireworks illuminated the sky above the estate. Standing alone in a shadowed corner of the courtyard, the sharp ache of missing my parents brought silent tears to my eyes. Without warning, Pei Yu appeared from nowhere, extending a stick of candied hawthorn fruit directly before my face.

Are you crying because your mouth tastes bitter? Eat this candied hawthorn, and the bitterness will vanish entirely.

He was twelve that year, already standing a full head taller than me. I took the candied hawthorn from his hand, eating while my tears still fell. As we grew older, some of the servant girls in the manor began to whisper behind my back, murmuring that I was nothing more than an orphan living off the charity of others. When Pei Yu overheard their gossip, he immediately had the maid driven out of the manor. He turned to me and said firmly.

Ruo, you are no outsider.

You are my future wife.

I believed him. I believed those words unwaveringly for seven whole years. Until the year of my coming of age. He took my innocence, yet never spoke of marriage again. I had once summoned the courage to ask him.

Pei Yu, when shall we finally be wed?

Every single time, he would brush the question aside with vague indifference.

What is the rush? Wait until we find a suitable, auspicious date.

Yet what exactly constituted a suitable date? I waited for a month. Two months. Half a year… Then a full year slipped away. Pei Yu never once mentioned the union. And yet, every single night, he continued to summon me to his chambers at the appointed hour. Ever since that fateful night, however, I refused to set foot in Pei Yu’s rooms again. He sent servants to fetch me, claiming he felt unwell. He sent them a second time, complaining of a splitting headache. By the third time, Pei Yu came himself. He pushed open the door to my room, his brows knitted in slight irritation.

Ruo, what has come over you? For days on end, you refuse to see me.

I sat before the window, my back turned entirely toward him. Outside, the moonlight lay as cold as water, and I remained stubbornly silent. Pei Yu strode forward, wrapping his arms around me from behind, his voice dropping to a low murmur.

Does something pain you? I shall summon a physician to examine you at once.

My entire body remained rigid, offering no reply. Realizing my deliberate resistance, Pei Yu slowly released his hold, stepping around to stand before me, his brows furrowing deeper.

Ruo, are you throwing a tantrum and harboring anger toward me?

I shook my head.

Then why do you persist in ignoring me?

I still uttered not a single word. Pei Yu’s patience had never been broad to begin with; visibly annoyed, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

If you refuse to speak, then so be it. I have no leisure to coax you endlessly.

Let me inform you, in a few days’ time, the esteemed daughter of Grand Tutor Chen is coming to visit the estate.

My mother holds the intention that I should meet and converse with her.