Chapter 5 — Unwittingly Adrift

You stay in the eastern wing, and I stay in the western wing. Between us stands only a delicate floral lattice wall. Without your express permission, I swear I shall never step even half a step into your chamber. I looked up at him, unable to hold back the question that trembled on my lips: Young master Shen, why are you helping me? He fell silent for a brief moment before answering in a soft, steady voice: Because on that day, when I pulled you from the raging sea of fire, your entire body was trembling. You gripped the lapel of my robe so tightly, as if there was truly no one left in this vast world for you to lean upon. It seemed that in that exact fraction of a second... He paused slightly, collecting his thoughts before continuing: I found myself thinking that hereafter, I never wanted to see you so lonely and helpless again.

A sharp, stinging sensation bloomed behind the bridge of my nose, yet in the end, no tears fell. Perhaps I had simply forgotten how to weep in front of others long ago. Thus time flowed onward in quiet serenity. Shen Qingyan treated me with boundless kindness. Every morning without fail, he would brew a pot of fragrant tea, placing it upon the stone table in the courtyard while setting aside a single cup right outside my windowsill. On rainy days, if I happened to venture out without an umbrella, I would invariably find a dry, oil-paper parasol hanging by the door upon my return. Tied neatly to its handle was a slip of paper, inscribed with his graceful, flowing calligraphy: Remember to check the weather before stepping out tomorrow.

Staring at that slip of paper, a faint smile bloomed unbidden across my lips. It was the very first genuine smile I had managed since fleeing the residence of the Pei family. One night, a terrible nightmare plagued my sleep. Within the dream realm, Pei Yong stood amidst a suffocating darkness, offering a chilling, mocking laugh over and over again as he demanded: How are you any different from a common courtesan? I bolted upright in a cold sweat, every inch of my skin clamorous with dread. Outside the window, the moonlight lay heavy and cold like frost. I draped a cloak over my shoulders and stepped out into the courtyard, lingering upon the stone bench for a long, restless time, utterly unable to quiet the storm within my chest.

How much time slipped away I could not tell, but suddenly the lanterns within the western wing flickered to life. Shen Qingyan pushed open his door, having evidently sensed the lingering sorrow in the courtyard. Catching sight of me sitting in solitary isolation beneath the moonlight, he did not immediately approach. Instead, he turned back into his chamber. Only a brief moment later, he emerged carrying a steaming bowl of nourishing red date soup. Standing on the far side of the floral wall, he gently passed the vessel across. Can you not sleep? I accepted the bowl and offered a quiet nod. He refrained from asking the reason behind my torment. Instead, he simply seated himself quietly on the opposite side of the partition. Then let me keep you company for a while.

Only a decorative brick wall separated us. We could not even set eyes upon one another's faces. Yet for reasons beyond my understanding, a profound sense of utter peace washed over me. I cradled the warm bowl of red date soup, sipping it slowly until the very last drop was gone. Thank you, I murmured softly. From beyond the wall came the deep, resonant cadence of his voice: There is no need for such formalities. If ever you find yourself unable to sleep again, simply tap upon the wall, and I shall be right here with you. The corners of my lips curved upward, refusing to be contained.

One afternoon, as I was tending to a cluster of peonies newly planted beneath the floral lattice wall, Shen Qingyan emerged from the western wing. He watched quietly for a moment before speaking in his characteristically gentle tone: If you were to transplant them to the southern side, where they might catch more of the afternoon sun, the blossoms would surely thrive and bloom far more brilliantly. I raised my gaze to meet his. The brilliant sunlight happened to fall directly upon his shoulders, rendering him both remarkably warm and breathtakingly luminous. Young master Shen. Hm? From now on, you may simply call me Ah Ruo.

The tips of Shen Qingyan's ears flushed a delicate, translucent shade of crimson—so subtle that had one not been paying close attention, it would have been entirely missed. He lowered his eyelashes, remaining silent for a protracted stretch before finally offering a soft, yielding reply: Very well.

Those days of tranquil bliss, however, were not destined to endure. After searching relentlessly for an entire month, Pei Yong finally managed to track down my whereabouts. On that particular afternoon, Shen Qingyan had departed for his duties at the Hanlin Academy. I was alone in the courtyard, watering the blossoming flora, when the heavy timber gates suddenly flew open with a violent crash. Pei Yong stood framed in the threshold. He had grown alarmingly thin; his eye sockets were deeply hollowed, and his jaw was covered in a rough stubble of dark beard. The once-spirited, arrogant young master of the Pei household seemed entirely drained of his vitality. The instant his gaze locked onto mine, a fierce blaze of pent-up fury ignited within his eyes.

Lin Ruo, is this how you repay the Pei family? I raised you for ten whole years, yet you run off with another man without uttering a single word? I met his gaze with unyielding coldness. Pei Yong, you did indeed provide for me for a decade. But you also toyed with my heart and dignity for an entire year. Between us, neither owes the other anything anymore. Pei Yong staggered backward as though struck squarely across the face by an invisible hand, his voice raspy and cracked. That day... I merely spoke a few careless words while intoxicated! Is that truly all it took for you to harbor such bitter hatred toward me?

I gave a slight shake of my head. I harbor no hatred for you. It is simply that I never wish to lay eyes upon you ever again. Pei Yong clenched his teeth until his jaw ached. His gaze swept slowly, agonizingly across the flourishing courtyard plants, the porcelain teacup resting on the windowsill, and finally the garments swaying gently on the drying line. Suddenly, a sound broke from his throat—a laugh, desolate and thoroughly ruined to the absolute extreme. Splendid. Truly splendid. No wonder you could not spare even a moment to look at me. So you had already secured another master behind my back. Lin Ruo, you are truly clever. With those words, he spun sharply on his heel and strode toward the exit. Yet just as he reached the gates, he came to an abrupt, jarring halt. He whipped his head back to glare at me, his eyes clouded with a terrifying, malicious darkness. Do you truly believe this Shen Qingyan is some sort of righteous gentleman? If he were to discover that you shared a bed with me for an entire year... Let us see if he would still deign to keep you by his side!

Pei Yong truly sought out Shen Qingyan. Right at the grand entrance of the Hanlin Academy, in full view of the numerous scholar-officials and colleagues passing by, he brazenly blocked Shen Qingyan's path. Official Shen, there is a matter which I wonder if you are already aware of. Shen Qingyan regarded him with absolute, unshakeable composure. I have no desire to know. Yet Pei Yong spat out each word with venomous deliberation: The woman currently residing within your private quarters shared my bed for an entire year. Every single inch of her skin has been caressed by my hands. Her maidenhood... belonged to me. A man of your standing, a prestigious top scholar, yet you stoop to picking up the scraps that I, Pei Yong, cast aside. Do you not feel utterly devoid of shame?

The surrounding courtyard fell instantly, breathlessly silent. The gathering officials began to whisper among themselves in startled, hushed tones. And I stood only a short distance away, watching it all unfold.