Chapter 6 — Unwittingly Adrift

The estate manager of the Shen household hurried breathlessly to find me, bearing the frantic news that Pei Yu had gone to the Imperial Academy to cause a scene. A fiery panic seized my chest, and I ran there without a moment's hesitation. And then… I heard every single word he uttered. My complexion turned ashen and white like a sheet of discarded paper. My entire body trembled incessantly, unable to steady itself. Shen Thanh Yan… surely he would despise me as well. A woman whom even Pei Yu scorned, viciously berating her for lacking proper virtue and chastity. A man as noble, pure, and untblemished as Shen Thanh Yan… how could he possibly not look down upon me with disgust? Yet, his expression remained utterly tranquil and unruffled.

Pei Brother.

Have you finished speaking?

Pei Yu faltered. Shen Thanh Yan leisurely continued:

Lin’s past is something I do not care about.

What I care about is whether she is living a good life right now.

As for the matter of losing face...

He gazed directly into Pei Yu’s eyes.

I simply feel that being able to marry Lin Ruo is the greatest fortune of my lifetime.

So where on earth is there any loss of face to speak of?

Pei Yu stood frozen in place like a carved statue, his face stiff and rigid, growing extraordinarily unsightly. Perhaps he had never imagined that the fatal blow he believed was sufficient to utterly ruin everything would be dissolved by Shen Thanh Yan with just a few gentle words. He had always stubbornly believed that all men in this world were identical to him, treating a woman’s chastity above all else. But… Shen Thanh Yan was not like that at all. In the end, Pei Yu cast one profound, lingering look at me, and ultimately said nothing more, turning sharply on his heel to leave. As he walked away, his spine remained as straight as ever. Except... I saw it all too clearly. His broad shoulders were trembling slightly. … Shen Thanh Yan walked slowly toward me. He raised his hand, using his fingertips to gently wipe away the stray tears lingering on my cheeks.

A Ruo, do not cry anymore.

I bit down hard on my lower lip, yet the tears continued to slip uncontrollably.

You...

Do you truly not despise me?

Shen Thanh Yan gently shook his head.

You have done nothing wrong whatsoever.

You simply… encountered the wrong person.

He lowered his head to gaze at me, his eyes tender yet profoundly resolute.

A Ruo.

I am not Pei Yu.

I will never deceive you about anything.

If you are willing...

I wish to grandly and properly marry you as my wife.

Following every traditional ritual of betrothal.

Carried in a magnificent bridal sedan chair borne by eight bearers.

Welcoming you through my front gates with the full ceremonies reserved for a primary wife.

I bit my lip once more, my voice choked with emotion.

I...

I am not worthy.

Shen Thanh Yan looked at me with absolute solemnity.

A Ruo.

Never utter the words that you are not worthy.

He began to recount softly:

I lost my father at a very tender age. My mother had to wash clothes day in and day out for others just to earn enough to feed me and support my studies.

For twelve long years bent over books, I endured every form of disdain, mockery, and chilling indifference.

Therefore...

I understand better than anyone else that a person's true worth is never defined by the judgments of others.

Whether you are worthy or not is not for Pei Yu to decide.

Nor is it for outsiders to decide.

Instead...

It is decided by you alone.

He extended his hand toward me, his palm turned upward in an invitation.

A Ruo.

Trust in yourself, will you?

I wept anew. But this time, amidst the tears, I whispered fiercely to my own heart. I am worthy—worthy of experiencing far greater and finer things. I returned to the small courtyard alongside Shen Thanh Yan. Along the quiet path, he asked softly:

A Ruo.

Are you willing to marry me?

My breath hitched in my throat. A long, suspended moment passed before I finally gave a slight, solemn nod.

I am.

… Shen Thanh Yan was a man of his word. He genuinely utilized the most formal rites of a primary wife to wed me. He penned the marriage contract with his own hands. Inscribed upon that red parchment was a solemn vow:

Wishing to bind my hair with Lin Ruo as husband and wife, sharing both sweetness and hardship, remaining devoted until our hair turns white and we never part.

On the day of our wedding. Red candles burned with brilliant, festive light. Peach blossoms across the entire capital burst into simultaneous bloom. I wore the red bridal veil, sitting quietly within the swaying sedan chair. Outside, the sound of firecrackers exploded thunderously against the sky, and the joyous din of gongs and drums echoed everywhere. My palms were slightly damp with sweat. Not from nervousness. But rather… from sheer happiness. As the bridal procession passed by the Pei family estate, I gently lifted a corner of the silk curtain. Pei Yu was standing right outside his gates. He stood from afar, watching the wedding party march past. Upon his face rested an expression difficult to categorize or name. It seemed much like bitter anguish, yet equally like a profound letting go. It also resembled… someone who had finally understood something far too late. I softly let the curtain fall back into place. ... Following the formal bowing ceremony, Shen Thanh Yan reached out and lifted my bridal veil. The flickering red candlelight made his features appear even more gentle and radiant like fine jade. He looked down at me and smiled softly.

A Ruo.

For the rest of our days...

Allow me to protect you.

I raised my hand, gently brushing my fingertips against his cheek. He paused in surprise for a fraction of a second. I chuckled softly. And as I laughed… tears once more spilled over.

Shen Thanh Yan.

Hmm?

Thank you for saving me.

Not merely from that terrifying fire.

But rather…

For the entirety of the days yet to come.

Shen Thanh Yan did not speak. He simply pulled me gently into his warm embrace. I rested my head against his shoulder, letting my tears dampen the fabric of his lapel. Beyond the windowpane, the night wind whispered softly. The peach tree outside swayed gently. Pale pink petals fell in silence, fluttering down to rest softly against the translucent paper window lattice. It was breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. Epilogue - Pei Yu I adored Lin Ruo. Deeply, overwhelmingly so. Perhaps those feelings had taken root on that hazy afternoon when she was eight years old, the very first time she timidly stepped foot into the courtyard of the Pei household. She had been utterly shy back then. Much like a startled little fawn, her eyes glistening with unsundered tears, not daring to lift her gaze to look at anyone. At that moment, I was practicing my calligraphy. The instant I lifted my head, I caught sight of her, the gentle afternoon sunlight filtering down upon her slender shoulders, and a sudden, fierce thought bloomed within my chest. This is the person I wish to protect for the rest of my days. For many long years that followed, I did precisely that. I shielded her beneath my wings, refusing to let a single soul bully or harm her. Yet I knew not when it was that I slowly morphed into the wretched scoundrel I eventually became. Perhaps… it was from the year she reached womanhood, coming of age. Watching her grow increasingly exquisite, pure, and translucent with each passing day, my protective instincts gradually warped into something entirely different.