Chapter 2 — Ten Years as an Outsider

The first time was when I first got married. In the winter, she had a high fever. I carried her downstairs in the middle of the night to catch a car to the hospital. She held my hand and said, Van Van, I don't love you in vain. The second time was when I quit my job to take care of her, she lay on the bed in tears, saying Van Van, if I didn't have children, I really wouldn't know what to do. The third time is now. I stood next to the hospital bed, pulled back the corner of the blanket for her, my voice was so soft that even I felt strange: "Mom, don't say that, you still have a son and daughter." She clearly paused, the expression on her face suddenly became unnatural: "This child, why are you so distant from your mother?" I don't answer. Chu Thien walked in carrying a fruit basket, saw that the atmosphere was not right, immediately smiled to appease: "Sister-in-law has been very tired these past few days, I see your eyes are all red. Mom, get well soon, so that sister-in-law doesn't have to stay up all night anymore." Mother-in-law sighed: "Yes, Van Van is still the most thoughtful." I looked at how natural and uncomplicated she looked when she said that sentence, and I really saw that she had skills that not everyone has. While considering people as outsiders, you can still calmly enjoy their sacrifices. Perhaps that is the talent of the Chu family. The day my mother-in-law was discharged from the hospital, my mother's side also called. She fell again when she got up to go to the bathroom at night. Her legs were so swollen that she couldn't even walk. The phone is the neighbor calling.

"Van Van, your mother is not okay being alone, maybe you should go on a trip."

I held the phone and stood in the hospital hallway, my eyes dark. Over the years, it's not that I never wanted to take my mother home to live with me. But the Chu family always disagreed. The mother-in-law said, the in-laws came to live, but the neighbors looked at it and couldn't see what was happening. Chu Minh Xuyen said that conflicts between elderly people living together easily arise, which will be even more troublesome in the future. I understand clearly in my heart that they don't have to be afraid of trouble. They just feel that since I married into the Chu family, I have to focus entirely on the Chu family. I tried to suppress my trembling voice and said to Chu Minh Xuyen: "My mother has fallen, I have to go home." He was completing the discharge procedures for his mother, not even raising his head: "Today can't be done, mother just got discharged from the hospital, there are a lot of things at home, who will take care of me when I'm gone?"

“Then I'll go tomorrow.”

"Tomorrow I go to work, Chu Thien still has to look after the children, should I leave my mother alone at home?"

I looked at him and asked word by word: "So what about your mother?" At this moment, he raised his head, frustration clearly showing on his face: "Don't your mother's neighbors still help? Ask them to look after you for two days. You know, my mother just finished surgery, it's an important time." I suddenly remembered many years ago, when my father passed away, my mother did the same, sitting alone outside the hospital room, waiting for me to come home from school. All her life she had only me. After I got married, she always said, don't always worry about your mother, there are elderly people in your husband's family who need you more. She was afraid that I would be in trouble. I'm afraid I'll be scolded by my husband's family. So even though her leg hurt so much that she couldn't sleep at night, she just said one sentence on the phone, "It's okay, I can handle it." Now, she really can't stand it anymore. But my husband stood in front of me, telling me... to wait more. That day when I got home, for the first time I didn't go into the kitchen. I put my bag on the sofa and told my mother-in-law: "My mother fell, I have to go home tonight." As soon as the mother-in-law sat down to drink soup, her hand stopped again, his eyebrows immediately frowned: "What are you going back to your hometown at this time? Mom just got out of the hospital, Minh Xuyen goes to work during the day, who will take care of mom when I'm gone?"

“I hired a nanny.”

“How can a nurse be as good as a family member?”

I looked at her: "Didn't you say that your daughter-in-law is still an outsider after all? If an outsider has taken care of you for ten years, you can rest assured, so hiring another nurse should not be a problem." The living room immediately fell silent. The mother-in-law's face immediately turned white. The apple in Chu Thien's hand almost fell to the ground. Chu Minh Xuyen jumped up: "Lam Van, what are you talking about?" I curled the corners of my lips slightly: "I'm not talking nonsense. In front of the operating room door, I heard every word clearly." Chu Thien panicked: "Sister-in-law, my mother was so scared that day that she just said nonsense, that's not what she meant." The mother-in-law's face turned blue, then white, and finally put the bowl down firmly: "If you've heard it, I won't hide it anymore. The house is mine, I can give it to anyone I want. You've taken care of me over the years, I'm grateful, but you can't just look at the Chu family's assets because of that." I stood there, listening to every word fall, but didn't feel any pain. Maybe it hurts too much.

“Mom, I never thought about a penny of that house.”

“So what are you being sarcastic about?”

“I just finally understand what it means to be in this house.”

I turned to look at Chu Minh Xuyen: "I understand too." His expression was unsightly: "Do you have to say it to this extent?"

“It's you guys who are cruel, not me.”

I opened my phone, the page to transfer money back to my hometown appeared, my voice was calm: "For a few days your mother was in the hospital, I advanced 123,000 yuan. From tomorrow, I hired a nurse, I will pay until the end of the month. After this month, you will take care of yourself. Now I will go pick up my mother." The mother-in-law was so angry that her hands were shaking: "What do you mean? Are you settling accounts with me?"

“It's not about accounting, it's about clearly distinguishing.”

“Distinguish what?”

“Clear separation of feelings and responsibilities.”

Having finished speaking, I went back into the room and pulled out my suitcase. Ten years of marriage, for the first time in front of the Chu family, I did not explain, did not coax, and did not humble myself. Chu Minh Xuyen grabbed my hand tightly: "If you leave today, can mom bear it?" I looked at his hand and suddenly felt funny: "So does my mother's leg deserve to be damaged?" He let go. As I pulled my suitcase out the door, I heard my mother-in-law's voice calling from behind: "Lam Van, don't forget that you are the daughter-in-law of the Chu family!" I didn't stop walking: "Don't worry mom, from today I will try not to forget." That night, I took the high-speed train back to my hometown, outside the window it was as dark as a heavy curtain pressing down. My mother lives in an old apartment building on the edge of town, on the sixth floor, without an elevator. Before, every time I came home, she would clean the house, always keep the pot of soup warm, and place my favorite slippers right at the door. This time, the door was opened by a neighbor. My mother lay on the bed, her face pale, seeing me still trying to smile: "Why are you really coming back? I'm fine, two days off is fine." I squatted beside the bed and took off her socks. Her ankles were swollen and shiny. As soon as I touched her, she took a painful breath. My nose was stinging, I couldn't say a word. She patted my head like when I was a child: "Your husband's family is very busy, isn't it? Don't stay here too long. Come back tomorrow morning. I'm used to being alone." I bowed my head and rubbed her feet, tears falling onto the blanket. Seeing that, she immediately panicked: "Oh my god, what's wrong? Did you quarrel with Minh Xuyen?" I don't say. I know what to say. Say I'm in ten years in someone else's house, and finally change to the word "outsider"? Say that I took my biological mother's surgery money to save my mother-in-law, and then people guarded me like they guarded against a thief? Say I was married there for ten years, but no one ever really considered me family? I can't say those words to anyone. Too embarrassing. What's even more embarrassing is that I used to think my life wasn't bad. The next day, I took my mother to the hospital. The doctor looked at the x-ray and said it was best to have surgery soon, otherwise recovery would be poor. The cost is not too high, but the recovery period will be very expensive. I nodded and swiped the card directly. Just after paying, the phone rang again. Chu Minh Xuyen called.