Chapter 9 — Ten Years as an Outsider

After that, the Chu family truly disintegrated. Chu Thien comes to the hospital less and less. Every time she comes, she complains about her children, the store, the customers, and leaves in less than twenty minutes. The nurse changed another person. Chu Minh Xuyen took a long leave, running back and forth between the company and the hospital, so thin that he changed his appearance. He found me, no longer talked about returning, nor mentioned the relationship between husband and wife. He just quietly returned the money to me, item by item. There is a transfer, there is a car sale, there is a loan from friends. The day the money was transferred, he texted: "I know I can't pay it all back, but I will try." I don't answer. Not long after that, before the court date, we met once. In the coffee shop near the civil affairs department, he pushed the signed agreement in front of me, his hands shaking slightly.

"The house is left to me, and the remaining savings after marriage also belong to me. From my mother's side... from now on I will take care of myself."

I finished reading and looked up at him. He smiled bitterly.

“Now you say thank you to me, like a stranger.”

I opened the pen cap, my voice was light.

“What if it doesn't?”

He looked at me, his eyes turning red.

“Lin Van, do we really have no more options?”

I thought for a moment, then told the truth.

"If you ask me if I ever loved you, yes. Even before the day outside the operating room, I still thought that if I just tried a little harder, this family would truly accept me. But Chu Minh Xuyen, marriage is not about how well you treat me in normal times, but when I'm hurt, will you stand by my side? You've never done that."

His throat moved slightly, and after a long time he spoke hoarsely.

“I just didn't think I would hurt you this much.”

“It's not that I don't think.”

I signed and pushed back the agreement.

“You think I won't leave.”

That sentence was like the final nail, sealing everything that was left between us. After completing the procedure, step outside, the sunshine is very beautiful. I stood in front of the gate of the civil affairs department, holding the thin divorce paper in my hand, but felt so light that I was floating. Not because the liberation is so refreshing. It's because in the end there's no need to prove yourself anymore. It turns out that when leaving a place that always considers you an outsider, people will actually return to themselves little by little. Three months after the divorce, my mother was able to put off her walker and slowly walk some distance. My job is also stable, I got a raise, and Ms. Luu assigned a new project for me to be in charge of. Even though you're busy, you're still tired, but it's a valuable type of tiredness. When I got home, I bought a physical therapy cushion for my mother, then rewarded myself with a new pair of shoes. On weekends, mother and daughter went to the market, bought bones to stew, and sat on the balcony at night, the breeze blowing gently, watching the lights on the other side gradually brighten. No one is watching my salty, bland cooking anymore. No one takes my money to fill someone else's hole. There is no one left who enjoys my care and silently watches out for me. Life is like that, so quiet that sometimes it makes me feel unreal. Until one day, Chu Minh Xuyen came again. This time he didn't come alone. He held a wooden box in his hand and stood in front of my house, his whole body slumped. My heart sank, almost guessing something. He said very softly: "My mother passed away." I was silent for a few seconds, then opened the door. He didn't step in, just gave me the wooden box.

“She left it to me.”

I don't accept.

“Take me for what?”

"Before she left, she kept calling my name. When I was still awake, she wrote a few lines, and kept the prescription and the recovery monitoring book I made for her, all in there. There's also the gold bracelet... she said she should have given it to me a long time ago."

I looked at the box, my heart skipped a beat. I know that bracelet. It was her dowry when she was young, precious like a treasure, normally not allowed to be touched by anyone. She said before that when I give birth to the Chu family, she will pass it on to me. After that, don't mention it again. I didn't expect that in the end, she would want to give it to me. But I still don't accept it.

“You can't pay me back for ten years.”

Chu Minh Xuyen's eyes immediately turned red.

“I know.”

His voice was hoarse.

"When she finally woke up, my mother only said one sentence. She said it wasn't that Lam Van was an outsider, but that we pushed her to become an outsider."

I stood at the door, not moving for a long time. If this sentence was said a year ago, I probably would have cried. You will feel sorry for yourself, you will feel relieved, you will think that you can finally see it. But now, I just stand there, a little bitter in my heart, but no longer angry. I let out a small breath.

“Bring it back.”

He was stunned: “Why?”

“Because I don't want to rely on any late compensation, to prove that my ten years were not in vain.”

I looked at him, my voice was very light, but very steady.

"You know it's wrong, it's your business. Whether I forgive you or not, it's my business. But I've already walked out, I don't want to drag myself back."

He hugged the box, his fingers tightening, as if he finally understood that there were things that truly could not be returned. The hallway is very quiet. Inside the house, my mother called out: "Van Van, the soup is about to boil." I replied, turning around to go in. Chu Minh Xuyen suddenly called from behind. I'm back. He looked at me, his eyes were red, it seemed like he had a lot of words, but in the end he could only say one sentence.

“The past years... have been hard for you.”

I paused for two seconds, then nodded.

“Yeah, it was really hard.”

Having finished speaking, I went back in and gently closed the door. In the kitchen, a pot of bone broth was boiling, heat rising. My mother stood by the kitchen, her movements were much more flexible. Seeing me come in, she immediately gave me the ladle.

“Why did it take so long to talk?”

I took it, tasted a spoonful, and smiled slightly.

“The old story… consider it over.”

She looked at me, then smiled.

“Having said that, it's good.”

I nodded and turned down the heat. It's getting dark outside, downstairs there are people taking their children for a walk, there are people carrying bags of groceries rushing home, the smell of grease and rice wafts from each kitchen, warm but ordinary. I stood in the small kitchen and suddenly remembered the first year of our marriage. My mother-in-law held my hand and boasted to the neighbors: "My daughter-in-law is more thoughtful than my biological daughter." Then I believed. It wasn't until ten years later that I understood that the so-called "like a biological daughter" just means wanting you to do more, endure more, and understand things better. They don't need you. They need a daughter-in-law who is obedient, hard-working, and easy to command. Once you start demanding respect, boundaries, and fairness, they will immediately turn around and say you are an outsider. But so what? Outsiders are outsiders. At least from that day, I began to consider myself my own person. That night, while cleaning out a drawer, I found an old set of keys. To be The key to the Chu family. I looked for a long time, then opened the window and gently threw it into the collection bin downstairs. A very soft "click" sound. Like the sound of ten years of humiliation falling to the ground. I stood by the window, looked at the green box below, and suddenly burst into laughter. Ten years as a bride, I'm still just an outsider. But it was because I finally realized I was an outsider that I was able, from that house, to completely save myself.