Chapter 10 — Behind the Door is Still Home

It's dark again. The phone is unusually quiet. There were only a few New Year greeting messages sent in bulk and a few greetings from colleagues and not-so-close friends. I answer each one simply. There are no more new messages in the family group. Maybe because after my dry "Happy New Year everyone" and not saying anything else, the atmosphere also became cold. Maybe... They were gathering for dinner, watching reruns of the New Year's Eve Gala, enjoying the "more comfortable" feeling of reunion without me there. I opened my mother's profile picture. The chat stopped in the morning. Mom asked me:

“What did you eat this morning?”

I don't answer. Mom didn't ask anymore. It wasn't like that before. Before, if I didn't reply for half a day, my mother would text me several messages, and couldn't help but call and ask. And now... I gently pulled the corners of my lips. Perhaps my mother also felt guilty. Don't know what to say to me anymore. Or maybe... In my mother's heart, that balance has long been off. It's just that I still don't want to admit it. Or try to pretend you don't see it. I exited the chat frame and opened the photo album. Scroll through pictures from a long time ago. There is a photo from the year I graduated from college, taken with my parents in front of the school gate. The three of them all smiled brightly. There is a photo of the first time I received my salary, I bought a gift for my parents and conveniently took a photo. My parents held the gifts, a bit awkward but their eyes sparkled. There are also photos taken of the whole family a few years ago, when the hometown had not yet moved into the new house. Four people crowded into the living room of the old house. The space is cramped, standing so close together that it's a bit suffocating, but it looks very warm. Later, Tri Tinh got married. Then Doan Doan was born. There are more and more people in the photos, and there are more and more photos. Only my part is gradually fading. I look more and more like a backdrop. Or like a name that has to be called by someone specifically to remember "ah, there's this person".

“Tri Dao, stand inside for a moment.”

“Sister, look over here!”

“Tri Dao, smile.”

Every time I laugh together. Laugh very hard. But now looking back at those photos, I suddenly feel... The person is smiling brightly in the photo, but his eyes are empty. It's like playing the role of a person named "Tham Tri Dao". Acting as an understanding daughter. A good sister. A good aunt. Play the role of someone who is "reasonable", "generous", and "doesn't like to compare". I exited the photo album and threw the phone aside. The whole person lay stretched out on the sofa, staring blankly at the ceiling. Extreme chaos in my head. Sometimes it was the harsh words in the phone call last night. Sometimes it's the house book. Sometimes it was the rational faces of Tri Tinh and Chu Hao. Sometimes it's the silent or tearful look of the parents. It was like a silent movie playing over and over again in my head. Every frame hurts. On the morning of the second day, I was woken up by the phone ringing. Not mom. I looked at the words "Dad" flashing on the screen for a long time before pressing listen. My voice is a bit hoarse because I didn't sleep well.

“Tri Dao, aren't you awake yet?”

Dad's voice came from the other end, deep and heavy like an older man's. The surrounding was very quiet, it didn't sound like we were in the living room.

"Yes, I just woke up. Dad, happy new year."

“Happy New Year.”

Dad paused for a few seconds, as if thinking about what to say.

“That… your mother said you didn't reply to the text messages yesterday So I was a little worried, so I asked dad to call and see how you were doing."

I coldly smiled in my heart. Are you afraid I'll find out something... Or are you really worried about me?

“I was busy yesterday, then I forgot to reply.” I replied leisurely. “I'm okay.”

“Yes, it's okay to be okay, it's okay to be okay.”

Dad repeated twice and then fell silent again. That silence makes people suffocate. I heard a very soft breathing sound on the other end of the line, and there was also a rustling sound like my father was rubbing something in his hand.

“Dad.” I spoke first, my voice very low. “At home… is everything okay?”

“It's okay, it's all okay.”

Dad immediately continued speaking as if he had prepared it in advance.

“Doan Doan is very naughty, running around inside and outside the house. My mother was busy cooking, so Chu Hao stood next to help. Tri Tinh... Tri Tinh went to see her friends."

Speak in great detail. But the more details, the more it looks like you're trying to act. I just replied once and didn't ask any more questions.

“Tri Dao ah…”

Dad's voice lowered, carrying a bit of careful scrutiny.

“If you're working too hard, take a break and don't try too hard. Health is the most important thing.”

“I know, Dad.”

“Money in hand…is it enough? If it's not enough, tell dad, dad... can still manage a little."

Speaking of this, Dad's voice became a bit forced.