Chapter 3 — Behind the Door is Still Home

I'm really tired. Every time I come home, that feeling of silent competition, that forced consideration in each sentence, the whole atmosphere that seems to remind me that "sooner or later girls are outsiders"... all pressure me to the point that I can't breathe. Money transfer is at least simple and clear. Right now, the only thing I can get out... is just money.

“Okay Chu Hao, stop talking.”

My mother's voice was full of fatigue.

"Tri Dao has his own job. If he can't go home, he has no other choice. This money..."

She hesitated a bit. Immediately, Tri Tinh's voice followed, deliberately lowered but still loud enough for everyone around to hear.

"Mom, the money I sent is a Tet gift for my parents, right? You two can keep it and spend it, buy some supplements, and buy some nice clothes."

The words sounded extremely thoughtful. But I still hear another layer of meaning inside. Sure enough, my mother hesitantly replied:

“Yeah… my sister said she sent it to my parents…”

"As you can see..." Tri Tinh changed her voice, still smiling but making others uncomfortable. "If you have a high-paying job out there, you should really take care of your family more. You can't just think about the two of you and ignore our little house, right?"

"Mom, look at this house. I've lived in it for nearly ten years. The bathroom is always moldy and the walls are peeling off in pieces."

"Doan Doan is about to go to kindergarten. He can't compete with good public schools. Private schools cost several thousand yuan every month."

"Chu Hao's old truck broke down every three days. The other day, while delivering goods in the middle of the road, the engine died, missing out on a big business deal. Should have changed it a long time ago."

“Just a little money from your fingers is enough to help us solve many difficulties.”

"She lives so comfortably, she can easily transfer 6,000 yuan, she eats well and dresses well, she lives freely. Mom, I'm not the one saying that... her heart is not completely in this house."

As I listened, I felt my blood grow cold little by little. Even my fingertips are cold. I slowly sat up straight, staring at the silent phone on the table, as if I could see Tri Tinh's calculating, smiling face on the other end of the line through the screen. Eat well and dress well? Live comfortably? I remember my past year. Because of running the project, I barely slept for three days and three nights, and in the end my colleagues dragged me straight to the hospital for an intravenous drip. Because I wanted to save money on rent, I moved to a suburban area more than an hour and a half by train from the company. Every day, before it was dawn, I had to leave the house. Because I wanted to save a little more money, I gave up milk tea and coffee, and bought clothes at discounted prices online. The most expensive coat is still the one bought two years ago, so ruffled that it no longer has its shape. That 6,000 yuan... It's every penny I saved up. It's a bit of "filial piety" that I gritted my teeth and sent back because I felt like I owed it to my parents. Yet through Tri Tinh's mouth... It turned into "money slipping through my fingers". Turned into giving alms to beggars. No, she didn't say it directly like that. But I heard the meaning inside clearly.

“Tri Tinh, don't say that.”

My mother's voice was full of awkwardness.

“Tri Dao is alone outside, the expenses are not small…”

“Mom, you are always soft-hearted, always defending your daughter.” Tri Tinh still refused to stop. “That's right, sister Great power, but how can she and Chu Hao be the same? Chu Hao is the son-in-law who lives next to his parents, running back and forth every day for this house."

“If you two have a headache, who will take you to the hospital? Who cares about Doan Doan? What about her? Just calling during the holidays and transferring some money, is that called filial piety?"

"In my opinion, if these 6,000 yuan were used for more practical things, for example, repairing the bathroom or buying some new equipment for Chu Hao to do business, wouldn't it be better than buying food and clothes?"

“If you give it to the two of you, you won't be able to spend it. In the end, aren't we still saving it? Save for what? Won't we make it up to us and Doan Doan later?"

“What's the point of beating around the bush like that? If you really have the heart, then help Chu Hao directly, wouldn't it be easier?"

Each sentence of Tri Tinh is like a soft knife soaked in ice water. Each stab cuts my heart. I was so angry that my whole body was shaking slightly. His fingers tightened on the computer mouse until his joints turned white. Haven't I helped enough? When Chu Hao got married, I spent 20,000 yuan on the wedding money alone. When Doan Doan was born, I bought a gold lock and gold bracelet for her, which together cost nearly 10,000 yuan. When they contributed capital to open an interior decoration store and still lacked money, I gave them 30,000 yuan, saying it was a loan. Up to now, I have not received a single penny returned. Every time I go home, buy clothes and supplements for my parents, buy toys and snacks for Doan Doan, and bring gifts for Tri Tinh and Chu Hao, I don't spend thousands of yuan each time? I have never calculated. I always think family members should be like that. But it turns out... In the eyes of others, all of that is just "a little money leaking from your fingers". It's "throwing some leftovers into the soup". It's "not sincere". Self-pity and anger rose like a tide, choking in my throat, causing me so much pain that I could barely breathe. I can't listen anymore. This unwanted, embarrassing and heartbreaking "eavesdropping"... should end. I reached out and pressed the red hang up button. Fingertips trembled from overuse. Just as my hand was about to touch the screen— Tri Tinh's voice rang out again. Deliberately lowered, appearing mysterious, but still loud enough for everyone around to hear clearly.

“Mom, that…did you tell me?”

My hand immediately stiffened in midair. My heart suddenly sank and beat loudly. An unknown feeling of panic gripped me. My mother was silent for a few seconds. But to me, those few seconds felt like a year. Only the sound of the MC on TV bustling with New Year greetings, along with the incomprehensible sound of Doan Doan filling that oppressive void.

“Not yet…”

My mother's voice was hoarse, full of guilt and hesitation.

“I don't know how to say it…”

Chu Hao interjected, his voice full of impatience but as if this matter was already too reasonable.

“There's no need to say anything. Mom, don't make it any longer. Taking advantage of the fact that you won't come back this time, let's just wrap things up to avoid a long night full of dreams."

What's the end? I held my breath. Still maintaining the same position, reaching towards the phone, not moving a bit, eyes glued to the dark screen. The screen reflected my current face. And so panicked that I couldn't hide it. On the other side of the phone, after a few short seconds of silence. Tri Tinh spoke again, her voice extremely clear, calm and relieved as if everything was within her calculations.

“Mom, according to me, let's finish this time.”

"Anyway, I don't come back much all year round. That extra room is a waste."

“Isn't it very suitable to change it into a children's room for Doan Doan?”

“Her toys and picture books now have no place to put them and are piled up everywhere.”

“Put some cartoons on the wall, buy her a small tent, Doan Doan will definitely love it.”

"My room faces south, has good lighting, it's the most suitable for Doan Doan to live in."

I felt like something exploded in my head. My room. The room I have lived in since childhood. Even if I go to school far away and then work, and can't stay for a few days each year... it's still my room.