Chapter 11 — Behind the Door is Still Home

The bridge of my nose is stinging again. This time it's not because of self-pity. It's a more complicated, choking and uncomfortable feeling. Dad still remembers me. It's still the same father who once secretly stuffed money into my pocket and said:

“Don't be mean to yourself.”

But that same father... Tacitly accepted, perhaps even participated in the plan to put me out there.

“I have enough, Dad, don't worry about me.” I took a deep breath to suppress the choking feeling. "Just keep your parents' pension and spend it, buy good food, don't save forever."

“Yes, yes.”

Dad replied continuously. Then, as if he had made a great deal of determination, his voice lowered even more, almost to a whisper.

"Tri Dao... Tri Tinh and Chu Hao... sometimes we don't pay attention when we talk, don't take it to heart. There's no need to stay in the same family overnight."

My heart slowly sank. The words in the phone call last night... Dad actually heard it all clearly. Maybe dad didn't give the idea. But Dad heard it. And at that time, dad didn't say anything. Now my father uses this roundabout way of speaking to defend my sister, telling me "don't take it as truth".

"People in the same family don't have overnight enemies."

What a light sentence. Gently cover up all injustice. Every calculation. Every injury. As long as you don't compare... You will be the one who understands. And if you start paying attention... You will immediately become the one who destroys the peace. I tightened my grip on the phone, my nails digging into my palm. On the other end of the line, Dad clearly felt that silence and began to become uneasy.

"Dad." I spoke up, my voice so calm that I couldn't hear any emotions. “On the afternoon of the Fourth, I will return.”

Dad was clearly stunned, his voice could not hide his surprise, even a little... panic.

"You... why did you suddenly come back? Didn't you say you wouldn't come back? Work... is over?"

“The project ended early so the boss gave me a few more days off.” I calmly said the pre-prepared excuse. "I always come back to visit my parents. I also come to play with Doan Doan. I haven't seen her in a long time."

“Ah… ah is that so.”

Dad's voice was dry.

"So... that's great, it's good to go home. What time will it be? Or should Tri Tinh go pick up the child?"

“No need, I can take the bus home myself, it's more convenient.” I almost immediately refused. “Don't bother Chu Hao.”

“Don't mind, don't mind, that's why.”

Dad quickly continued, but the confusion in his voice became clearer and clearer. He's probably now frantically calculating whether or not my unexpected return will ruin the entire original plan. The room hasn't been cleaned yet. The name transfer procedure probably hasn't been completed yet... I interrupted his thoughts, my voice still very calm.

"I'm only here for two days, to visit everyone. Don't be too sneaky, you can stay in your old room, you don't need to move anything."

I deliberately emphasize four words:

“My old room.”

The other end of the line clearly paused for a beat. There was a short silence. After that, my father's voice became drier, even carrying a barely noticeable tremble.

"That room... that room, your mother has tidied it up a bit these days. It's probably... a bit messy. Or... should you sleep in the living room? The living room is cleaner."

"No need, just sleep in your room, you're used to it." I remained resolute, raising my voice a bit to not negotiate. "It's okay to make a little mess, I'll clean it up myself."

“Tri Dao ah…”

I still want to say more.

“Dad, I have something to do, I'll hang up first okay. Wait until I get home and talk later."

I didn't give him another chance to speak.

"Mom and dad, please have a happy Tet, I'll come on the afternoon of the Fourth."

Having finished speaking, I didn't wait for my father to answer and directly hung up. The sound of the call being disconnected rang in my ears. I put down the phone and looked at the gloomy sky outside the window. It felt like something was choking in my chest, I couldn't get it up but I couldn't swallow it down either. Annoying to the extreme. But I know very well... The seemingly normal phone call just now, along with those few seemingly harmless words, was actually a silent probing and tug-of-war. Dad was panicking. That's enough. I stood up, walked to the front of the wardrobe, and started packing my luggage. Movement is not fast. But extremely serious. It's like preparing for a confrontation and needing to be very careful. And that "battlefield"... is the place where I thought my whole life would always be safe. My house. The high-speed train slowly slid into the station platform. I pulled my cabin suitcase, which was not too large, and followed the flow of people slowly walking out. The train station of the small city in my hometown is now much more spacious than I remember. But the familiar smell of air mixed with dust and cold earth still hasn't changed at all. The exit area was filled with people coming to welcome us. Someone held up a name tag. Some people tiptoe around looking for relatives. Someone stood in the middle of the crowd calling out his name loudly.