Chapter 17 — Behind the Door is Still Home

"This time you've already spent money to buy things when you come back, don't let yourself be too needy."

The tone is very gentle. Every sentence and every word feels like it's hurting me. If it weren't for the phone call last night... Maybe these words would make my nose sting. As for now… I just feel tired. Finally I answered:

“I received the money.”

“Parents, don't save too much, just buy whatever you want to eat.”

This time, my mother did not transfer money back. Perhaps she also understands... Switching back and forth many times will become too intentional. Dinner is more bustling than noon. Mom stewed a chicken and also made the steamed meat dish with rice flour that she is most famous for. I don't eat much. My stomach is not good, and in the past two days my mood has been up and down, so I feel bloated after eating just a few bites. After dinner, dad said he wanted to go down for a walk. Chu Hao told him to come with him.

“Dad, how is your leg these days?”

I asked casually.

“Can still go.”

“It's just that walking a little bit is a bit tiring.”

“So exercise a lot.”

“Don't sit around watching TV all the time.”

“I know, I know.”

Dad replied as he went out. I looked at the two people's backs for a few seconds. Every time they weren't in the house, the tension in the air eased a little. I returned to my room. I was about to close the door when I suddenly saw the pink easel on the desk. I walked over and looked closely again. On the easel is a brand new sheet of white paper. Next to it is an open box of crayons. I picked up a blue stick, drew a small square on the paper, then drew a smaller rectangle inside. Like a window. Outside the window is a curved road, at the end of the road there is a small house. I draw very slowly. Each stroke is very light. After finishing painting, I turned the easel to change direction, so that the painting was facing the door. I also don't know what that means. Maybe I just want to remind myself— No matter what this room turns into in the future... At least once I drew an "exit" in here. Early in the morning of the Fourth, my mother called me up.

“Tri Dao, wake up quickly and go to the market with mom.”

“Isn't the refrigerator still full of food…”

I asked dreamily.

“That's what cooks lunch.”

"My uncle and aunt are coming to visit tonight. My uncle keeps saying he must see me this time. He says I haven't been back for several years."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up.

“Let me wash my face and come down now.”

In my heart, I suddenly understood why my mother was in such a hurry to call relatives.

—— She wanted me to see.

Look how bustling this house is. Look at how filial Chu Hao is. In the eyes of outsiders, this family is so "decent" and "peaceful". Conveniently borrow the mouth of an outsider to make a few words sound more reasonable. The market is not too far from the apartment complex. Walk about ten minutes to arrive. The wind was very strong on the road, blowing so much that people's eyes were stinging. Mom walked away and advised:

"When your aunt comes, let's talk properly. People miss you very much. Your cousin just gave birth to her second child before Tet, so she's busy right now."

I replied lightly.

“That girl…” Mom sighed. “Even though I don't study as well as my child, staying at home and taking care of my child is still very hard.”

She paused for a moment then continued:

"Girls, sooner or later, you have to have a family. Having children will make your heart feel secure."

“My heart is still very peaceful.”

I replied leisurely.

“Alone is good.”

“It's not the same.”

Mom shook his head.

"Look at your cousin, even though she's busy, she has her husband by her side every day, how happy the house is."

“Noisiness is not necessarily happiness.”

“That child, thinking too much.”

Mom waved her hand.

"Anyway, you're thirty this year, I won't force you anymore, you can understand it yourself."

It sounds like it's "relaxing" me. But actually it's more like a very gentle reminder. I'm thirty years old and still alone. So there are some things... Of course they should no longer belong to you. I did not respond. Switch to asking about her mother's health, asking if she takes her blood pressure medicine on time. When I asked her like that, my mother immediately started complaining about how tiring it was to wait in line for medical examinations and how troublesome health insurance was. The topic kept getting dragged away. There are still many people in the market. Although the Tet atmosphere has faded, it has not completely dissipated. Sausages hang all over the stalls. Red bacon. Chicken eggs stored in bamboo baskets. Green vegetables are piled into small piles. All bring with them the very everyday breath of the market town. I help my mother carry things. Both hands were squeezed by the plastic bag straps until it was painful. I lowered my head to look at the faint marks on my fingers, suddenly thinking— All these years I had always thought that I was "caring for my family". But in their eyes… Everything is just what I “should do”. They don't even feel the need to thank them for it.

“Tri Dao, buy two fish or one?”

Mother stood in front and asked loudly.

“One is enough.”