Chapter 11 — The Bed of Your Own Choosing

But there are cracks that won't disappear because of an apology, only temporarily hidden under the tablecloth. Before his third-year internship, Gu Cheng received an interview notice from a famous company. He was so stressed that he couldn't sleep all night, and in the morning he texted Shen Nianchu. This time, Shen Nianchu told me, "He wants me to go with him to the interview location." She said, "I refuse." I asked, "Do you want to go?" She was silent for a few seconds. "A bit interested." I nodded: "Then let's go." She looked at me: "Aren't you angry?" "Yes. But at least you didn't hide it from me." In the end, she still didn't go. After the failed interview, Gu Cheng got drunk in the dormitory, and the next day withdrew from the student union position for a semester. Shen Nianchu didn't look regretful. But I knew it was not that she did not care; she was trying to draw his attention away from the failure. The problem is whether a relationship can last or not has never depended only on how many times one person can endure it. The question was whether that suppressed conflict would resurface when something larger happened.

In the winter of my third year, my mother first came to school to visit me. She took a seven-hour long car ride, carrying two jars of pickles and a homemade cotton blanket. The blanket was too thick to fit into the dormitory closet, so she held it all the way, with two red streaks on her arms. Shen Nianchu booked a small motel near the school and said they would have dinner together in the evening. My mother was very pleased with her. "This girl looks mature and speaks generously." She asked me quietly, "Where do you two plan to go after graduation?" I said I hadn't decided yet. Mom tied the plastic bag containing the pickles: "Wherever you go, you two should discuss clearly. Don't let one person run ahead and the other person behind guess." In her previous life, she also said the same thing. At that time, I felt that no marriage is that complicated. As long as I do a little more, Shen Nianchu will eventually see it. Later I realized that Someone who is always running behind does not make the person ahead depend on them more; it only lets that person forget that turning around has a cost. Dinner is scheduled for six o'clock. At five twenty, Shen Nianchu called me. "Yanxuan, Gu Cheng had something going on at school." My heart immediately sank: "What's going on?" "He had an argument with the manager of the internship company and quit his job. Now at the riverbank, the phone's status isn't very good." "Where are you?" "In a taxi." "Are you gone?" She paused for a moment: "I'm afraid he's impulsive." "You promised to have dinner with your mother tonight." "I know. I'll go over there and check on him first, okay? If he's all right, I'll come straight back. Tell her it was a traffic jam." I stood outside the motel hallway, my fingers tightening on the phone. "Shen Nianchu, why didn't you tell me first?" "Aren't I telling you now?" "You got in the car and then announced it, not to discuss it with me." "How to discuss it now? Do I have to wait until you agree before I go?" Mom came out of the room, saw my face and asked if the school had something to do. I covered the phone and said it was okay. Shen Nianchu heard it on the phone.
phone call, her voice also softened: "Yanxuan, I'll really be back soon. Gu Cheng just lost his internship and was drinking, I can't pretend I didn't hear." "You can contact his parents, contact his roommate, you can report to the police that someone might be in trouble." "Don't make such a big deal of it. He just needs an acquaintance." "So it's still you." The only answer was the sound of the taxi driver giving directions. A few seconds later, she said: "Yes, at least now it's me." I stopped arguing. "Go, then." "Don't talk like that." "What should I say--that you are being reasonable?" She was silent for a moment then hung up. When I returned to the room, my mother was already wearing her coat. "Does Nianchu have an emergency?" She asked. "There's a problem with a classmate, she's going to take care of it." Mom looked at me, didn't ask further, just said: "Then we'll eat. Just in time, I wanted to ask about your job after graduation." We went to eat the meal we ordered. It was after nine o'clock when Shen Nianchu came running, her hair blown by the river wind, and her hand carrying fruit to buy for my mother. Mom has gone home to rest. "Gu Cheng is okay," she said, "He just drank a lot." I looked at the bag of fruit: "Do you think this can make up for it tonight?" "I didn't come to make up for it. I knew I had broken my appointment so I came to apologize." "Before you left, did you know you were going to break our appointment?" "I thought I would be back in time." "Each time you thought Gu Cheng's story would only take half an hour." Shen Nianchu put the fruit on the table: "So what do you want me to do? He said he didn't want to worry about anything anymore and was sitting alone by the river. Can I finish listening to him before I hang up?" "You cannot. As long as his situation looks bad enough, you feel you have to go." "He also helped me like that before." "Again, that was before." Her face tightened: "You think the past is not important, but to me it is very important." "Important enough that you could skip dinner the first time my mother came to town?" "I'm not saying I won't come back!" "But you still go towards him first."