Chapter 20 — The Bed of Your Own Choosing

In the evening, after the chaos in the wedding room, a few of us went to the river for a walk. The winter wind was very cold, Zhao Yue and Du Hang returned to the hotel first, Han Dongming was called away by the bride, and in the end it was just me and Meng Lan. "I heard your company is doing quite well." She said. "Who did you hear?" "Shen Nianchu." I stopped walking: "You two know each other?" "Last year there was a project, she was an investment consultant." The world is sometimes so small that there is no place to hide. "Did she say bad things about me?" "Talking about your college days, it's like you lived in college."
once before." My heart tensed, Meng Lan smiled again: "I feel quite accurate." We walked along the river for a long time. She said it was quite good in Shanghai, she was busy with work, and had moved three times. The year before her mother had knee surgery, she took two months off as a caregiver, and the two of them still argued every day. "What about you?" She asked, "Are you married yet?" "No." "Is the ring still there?" "Still." "Not given to anyone else?" "No." She looked at me: "Is this a deep love, or is it because the old ring is difficult to handle?" "Mainly the repurchase price is too low." She laughed until I stopped walking. After laughing, both were silent. There are familiar things that don't disappear because we haven't seen each other for many years. She likes to step on brick borders when walking. When it's cold, she will pull her hands into her sleeves. Before asking an important question, she will say an unrelated question. "Did you ever hate me after we broke up?" She asked. "Yes." "How long?" "About a year." "Shorter than me. I hate you for almost two years." "Why?" "Because you agreed to try a long-distance relationship, but every time you called, it was like you were waiting for me to admit that going to Shanghai was wrong. Then we broke up.
"But you agreed too quickly." I smiled bitterly: "If you don't agree, what can you do?" "You can scold me, you can come to Shanghai to find me, you can say you don't want to break up." "I'm afraid of becoming entangled." "You're always afraid of becoming a bad person, so you definitely don't do a lot of things." I've heard a similar version of this. Previously, Shen Nianchu said that I don't make calculations on the outside, keep records in my heart. Meng Lan said I didn't want to become a bad person, so I changed. I asked as though I had to hear the answer from her: "Do you regret coming to Shanghai?" "No regrets." "So what about the breakup?" She paused for a moment: "I regretted it, but I'm not sure if doing it again would do better." "Me too." We walked to the bridge, the river surface reflecting the lights on both banks. Meng Lan said: "Later I loved someone." My heart still hurts a little. "I almost got married. He was very good, stable, and willing to go to Shanghai. But he hoped that after getting married I would change my job to be easier. We talked for a long time, but in the end we still gave up." "Because Why?" "In the past, I felt that as long as the other person didn't stop me, I was respected. Later I discovered that I also used work to avoid commitments. As long as the relationship needs to move forward, I will find myself a busier project." She looked at me: "You're right, that year I didn't announce that I was going to Shanghai. I avoid letting you participate in the decision, because I'm afraid that as soon as we discuss it, I'll find out that I can't bear it either." I don't feel victorious because of this late admission. I just feel like we've all gone very far. "Are you still afraid now?" I asked. "I am still afraid. But fear is not a reason." By the river, someone set off fireworks. The sparks did not fly high, quickly falling into darkness. Meng Lan turned his head: "Zhou Yanxuan, do you still like to arrange everything first?" "Now only arrange the company's precious goals." "What about love?" "No project experience." "Less pretense." I smiled: "I will arrange, but I will ask first." She nodded: "There is progress." Before returning to the hotel, we exchanged new phone numbers. We were still connected on WeChat, but we added each other again deliberately. The next day she left first. Before the high-speed train left, she sent a text message. "Last night's words do not represent an application to return, just a comparison of old books." I replied: "Received. If you have comments on the comparison results, we can continue to discuss." She sent an eye-rolling emoji. After that we started chatting occasionally. Not every day, nor intentionally scheduled. She'll send pictures of it raining in Shanghai, I told her Han Dongming had called a customer by the wrong name. A month later, I was on a business trip to Shanghai and asked her if she had time to eat. She answered: "Yes. First of all, don't eat grilled fish." "Why?" "There are too many people who eat grilled fish with you, lacking individuality." Finally, we ate at a normal Shanghainese restaurant. No one said start again. But neither of them stopped standing still, nor did they pretend the past didn't exist. This time, we allowed the relationship to go a little slower.

Meng Lan redefined the relationship eight months after meeting again. There was no confession, no ring. She went to Hangzhou to participate in activities and stayed at my house in the evening. I bought this house in the second year of starting my business, two small bedrooms, normal location. The living room is full of documents, she can only sleep in the main room, I prepared to sleep on the sofa.