Chapter 18 — The Bed of Your Own Choosing

Every argument comes back to that night. I felt like she decided first and then announced, she felt I never really accepted her coming to Shanghai. Half a year later, during a call, we were silent for five minutes. Meng Lan said: "Yanxuan, let's break up temporarily." I asked: "Have you thought about it carefully?" "No. But if we continue like this, we will erode all the good things before." I picked up the phone and stood in the empty office. In my previous life, when I divorced, I thought letting go was the hardest thing. This time I realized, the most difficult thing is to clearly understand that you have not been betrayed, no one has done something unforgivable, but still cannot be together. "Okay." I said. Meng Lan was crying on the other end of the phone. I didn't advise her not to cry, nor did I tell her to wait for her return. After hanging up the phone, I put the ring in the innermost drawer. Han Dongming pushed the door in, holding a startup plan in his hand. Seeing my face, he didn't ask about my feelings, just put the documents down. "This logistics system project, do?" I opened the first page. The company name section was still blank. "Do." That night we discussed until dawn. I did not use work to paralyze myself, nor did I have any illusions that after a successful career Meng Lan would regret it. I just finally understood that a proposal cannot be used to block someone from wanting to leave. The promise is not really used to reduce options. It is about whether after two people have made their choice, are they still willing to come back to discuss the next path or not.

The third year Han Dongming and I started our business, the company was truly profitable for the first time. We do warehouse management and delivery services for merchants. Initially there were only five employees and two rented small trucks. Han Dongming runs the customer service, I am in charge of systems and operations, Du Hang quit his old technical job to join. Room 407 is like changing to another place to continue living, only the red pot is not brought. When business was most difficult, we could not pay salaries. Han Dongming offered to take Han Dongming offered to use his own savings to get married first, I didn't agree. "The company belonged to three people; we could not use a wedding to cover its losses." I said. "So what should we do?" "Narrow operations, cut warehouse losses, pay staff first, we postpone." This decision caused us to lose two big customers, and also helped the company survive for another half a year. In my previous life, I cleaned up after others. I always felt that as long as I could handle it, I wouldn't let the relationship be tested. In this life, I began to learn how to put bad news on the table so everyone could decide together how much to carry. When the company received the first round of investment, the other party's project advisor was Shen Nianchu. The door to the conference room opened, she walked in wearing a dark suit, we all stopped for a second. She was thinner than when she was in college, her hair was cut to shoulder length, and her face was sharp. "General Manager Zhou, long time no see." "Manager Shen, long time no see." We shook hands like normal partners. After the meeting, she stayed for a while. "You've changed quite a lot." She said. "Get fat?" "Before, you would not let others know that the company was short of money." "You can't hide it now." She laughed: "Gu Cheng is also in Hangzhou." "I know." Later, Gu Cheng started his own business, making a local service platform. The first two years developed very quickly, recently because of over-expansion, capital was stretched. I didn't expect Shen Nianchu to take the initiative to remind him. "We were together for a year." She said. This was calmer than I expected. "After graduation?" "Starting in the second year. At that time, I felt that the matter you were paying attention to had finally been answered. If I always look for him, maybe The person I like was originally him." "After that?" "Then I found out it wasn't." She bowed her head and turned the paper cup. "When he needed me, Gu Cheng was very dependent. But when life is good, he still feels like I'm in charge. I reminded him not to expand, he said I didn't understand starting a business; When I did not mention a concern, he asked why I had not warned him sooner." I didn't judge. Shen Nianchu raised her eyes: "Does that sound familiar?" "A bit familiar." "The day we broke up, he said I looked more and more like you." I laughed: "This counts as scolding someone."
"That's it then." She also smiled, then her expression faded. "Later I understood, I don't like cleaning up the consequences for Gu Cheng. I needed to feel useful. When I was young, no one took care of me. The way I gained a position in the Gu family was to understand, help, and not cause trouble. The more Gu Cheng needs me, the more I feel that I won't be left behind." This is something that took her many years to see clearly. In her previous life, I forced her to admit it, she only felt that I was attacking her. There was no private marriage, no joint account, and no shared wreckage between us, so she finally came to this conclusion from her own life. "Did you see it in college?" She asked. "It's not that complete." "But you always seem to know what's going to happen." I leaned back in my chair: "I'm just especially afraid of having to bear the consequences for others." Shen Nianchu looked at me: "What about Meng Lan?"