Chapter 17 — The Bed of Your Own Choosing

Later I found out that she had gone through three rounds of interviews, completed the background check, and had to give her answer the next day. "Why are you telling me now?" "If you're not sure, it's useless to say it." "We've been looking at the house for two months." "That's why I want to confirm before telling you." "Do you think this is to save me trouble?" Meng Lan rubbed her forehead: "Yanxuan, I didn't mean to hide it from you. I just wanted to decide for myself whether the opportunity was worth it." "So what about our plan?" "The plan can be adjusted." "Adjusted how? I stay in Hangzhou, you move to Shanghai, we do not buy the house, and get married three years later?" "It's either a long-distance relationship first, or you can find opportunities in Shanghai later." Hearing the words "you'll find opportunities in the future", a fire in my heart immediately flared up. "Your job was almost signed before you remembered how to find my opportunity." "This is my job, of course I decide first." "But it will change both of our lives." "So now I'm talking to you." "I'm not discussing, I'm announcing." She glared at me, and my eyes grew cold as well: "So what do you want me to do? I told you in the first round of interviews, then listened to you analyze Shanghai house prices, travel time, wedding date, parents, then reminded me that long-distance love is too risky?" "I won't stop you from going." "You will. You won't say directly that you won't let me, but you will lay out all the consequences, so that I feel like I shouldn't go." This sentence made me stunned. She understands me so well. Indeed I will not order her to give up. I will calculate every item, list every risk, and lay out our future, letting her bear the guilt of someone who chooses to leave before the numbers. "So you bypassed me." "I just wanted to ask myself first if I wanted to or not." We argued for a long time in front of the residential area. The broker looked through the glass door twice, not daring to step out. Finally, Meng Lan said: "I will go to Shanghai." I asked: "So what about us?" "I want to continue. But I don't know if you can accept a long-distance relationship." "When will you return?" "It's unlikely that you will return in three years, there may be a chance." Her honesty made me even more uncomfortable. I suddenly took the ring from my pocket. The ring had been bought a month ago. Initially, I was preparing to propose to her on the balcony of the new house after signing the house. There were no flowers, no friends shouting, just planning to ask her if she wanted to officially decide the future with me. I took it out at the worst time. "Meng Lan, let's get married." She looked at the ring, but did not take it. "Now are you proposing because you want to marry me, or because you want me not to go?" "Both." "Then I can't agree." "Getting married doesn't mean you can't go to Shanghai." "But you want it to be a reason for me to stay." I squeezed the ring box: "We've been in love for four years, we've seen houses, we've met our parents. Now you suddenly go to another city, and you don't even allow me to think of a way to keep you?" "You can keep it, but don't use marriage to keep it." "What's the difference?" "Marriage means I want to live with you, not because I can't bear to disappoint you so I give up my opportunity." I looked at her:
"Then what chance do we have?" Meng Lan's eyes turned red. "Yanxuan, you always feel that as long as you arrange everything in advance, you can avoid losing it. But a person is not a house, you can't stay there because you have made a deposit." "So you prepare to go." "Yes." Having said that, her tears finally fell. "I love you, I also thought about marrying you. But I can't prove that every time I have a choice, I have to prove that I put you first. Didn't you break up with Shen Nianchu because she always puts people first different from before? I don't want to be another person who needs to compete." This sentence made my whole body stiffen. I had never put Meng Lan and Shen Nianchu side by side to compare, but my behavior had compared. I was afraid that she would choose a job, afraid that her life would appear in a more important direction than mine. So I took out boundaries, plans and promises, wanting to lock uncertainty outside the door. The difference was that Shen Nianchu had been pulled away by Gu Cheng's needs, Meng Lan was pursuing her own path. I used the same fear to respond to them. "When are you leaving?" I asked. "Two weeks later." "Not buying a house anymore?" "Not buying." I closed the ring box: "Okay." Meng Lan wiped his tears: "Are you planning on not saying anything?" "I don't know what to say." "You can say you're angry." "I'm very angry." "It can also be said you can't bear it." My throat choked: "I can't bear it." She nodded and also said: "Me too." We didn't break up on the spot. Two weeks later, I dropped her off at the high-speed train station. She carried two suitcases and wore a a gray coat. Before entering the station, she hugged me for a long time. "Try long distance love first." She said. "Okay." But long distance love is harder than we thought. I'm busy with work, she travels even more. Our phone calls dwindled from once a day to once every three days, and even meetings had to be scheduled in advance. She met new friends and colleagues in Shanghai, I was in Hangzhou preparing to start a business with Han Dongming.