Chapter 1 — Mistakes Cannot Be Compensated

Five years after my father passed away, I met my ex-husband again at a medical forum. The host asked Luc Hoai Xuyen: "Since practicing medicine until now, what is the most risky surgery you have ever performed?" Sitting next to him, Wen Thu Nha smiled and took the microphone.

“Probably my mother's aortic dissection surgery.”

"At that time, Director Luc was attending a medical conference in a nearby city, and the hospital had clear regulations: Doctors were not allowed to go to another hospital to perform surgery on their own. When he received the phone call, he skipped the award ceremony and drove for seven hours to return. Along the way, it was raining heavily and the highway was blocked for a part."

“If it weren't for him, my mother probably wouldn't have survived.”

There was applause from the stands. Luc Hoai Xuyen lowered his eyes and adjusted his sleeves, not denying, just indifferently said one sentence:

“Human lives are important, we can't worry about too many rules at that time.”

My hand stopped on the handle of my bag. The little girl sitting next to me was bowing her head and peeling candy. When she heard the applause, she also clapped her tiny hands together. Luc Hoai Xuyen heard the sound and looked over. Halfway across the hall, his eyes fell on my ring finger, then slowly turned to the child. His face suddenly turned pale. Five years ago, my father also had aortic dissection. At that time, Luc Hoai Xuyen was also in the neighboring city. I held my father's examination results, stood in the emergency room hallway and called him, begging him to come back for surgery. He said the hospital forbade him from going outside for surgery on his own. He said he was the Vice Director of the Department of Cardiovascular Surgery, and couldn't take the lead in breaking the rules. My father couldn't wait until the hospital transfer procedures were completed. Before he closed his eyes, he told me not to blame Luc Hoai Xuyen.

“Doctors have doctor's rules, it's also awkward.”

I believed that for a very long time. On the day of our 5th wedding anniversary, I received a flower basket sent by the On family. On the card was written: *[Thank you, Director Luc, for rushing in that night to return for my mother's surgery. The On family would like to remember this life-saving grace.]* That evening, Luc Hoai Xuyen returned home and glanced at the empty dining table.

“Don't you cook rice?”

I sat on the living room carpet, in front of me was the old medical record my father left behind. Luc Hoai Xuyen's movement of changing shoes paused for a moment.

“Why are you looking at these things?”

I raised my head.

“Wen Shuya's mother's surgery was done by you?”

The space outside the door was silent for a few seconds. He put the car keys in the tray, his facial expression didn't change much.

“Emergency surgery, hospital mobilized temporarily.”

“So why did her family thank you for rushing back that night from the neighboring city?”

A flash of impatience flashed between Luc Hoai Xuyen's eyebrows.

"The situation at that time was special, Aunt On could have ruptured her aorta at any time. There weren't many doctors in the province who dared to take on that case. If you hadn't come home, she wouldn't have survived that night."

I looked at him, suddenly very funny. Five years ago, he also assessed my father's illness the same way. Danger. Urgent. Can die at any time. But when it was my father's turn, he reminded me over and over on the phone: the process cannot be reversed, the rules cannot be broken. broken, the doctor cannot perform surgery outside the hospital because of family relationships. I held on to my last bit of hope and asked him:

“What about your dad?”

Luc Hoai Xuyen's jaw tightened.

“Do you want to bring up the old story again?”

“I just want to know, with the same illness, the same inability to wait until the next day, why did her mother make me drive 7 hours at night, while my father could only wait for transfer to the hospital?”

“Gia Hoa, your two situations cannot be compared.”

“What's the difference?”

He took off his coat and hung it on the back of the chair.

"My father at that time had multiple organ failure, the risk of being transferred to the hospital was very high. Even if I ran back, it would not necessarily change the outcome."

“You didn't say that at the time.”

I remember it very clearly. That night I asked him if my father could still be saved. He said as long as he has surgery in time, there is still a chance. But he refused to return. It wasn't until my father passed away that he told me that medicine is never 100%. Today, he uses the words "not sure" to gently shake off his choice in the past. Luc Hoai Xuyen saw the card on the flower basket on the tea table, so he picked it up and glanced at it.

“The Wen family doesn't understand the hospital's arrangements well, it's just a bit exaggerated.”

“So you weren't rushing back at night?”

He did not answer. That silence was more than enough. I closed the medical record.

“What day is today, do you remember?”

Luc Hoai Xuyen looked at the clock.

“Wednesday.”

“What else?”

He thought for a few seconds, his eyes falling on the dining table. Maybe I finally understand why I don't cook rice.

“Wedding anniversary?”

I nodded.

“Fifth year.”

Luc Hoai Xuyen raised his hand to caress his eyebrows.

"Recently, Aunt On's post-surgery condition has been recurring, I don't have time to worry about it. I'll make it up to you this weekend."

He spoke naturally, as if what he had missed was just a meal. The phone bell rang. The name Wen Shu Nha appeared on the screen. Luc Hoai Xuyen immediately picked up the phone.

“What's wrong?”

The other end of the line didn't know what to say, his face darkened.

“Let's do an ECG first, I'll be right over.”

Hang up the phone, he put his jacket back on. I asked: "Is there something wrong with her mother?"

"Ventricular arrhythmia, only Thu Nha was in the hospital room."

“Is there no doctor on duty in the hospital room?”

Luc Hoai Xuyen frowned and looked at me.

"She just lost her father not long ago, and her mother is so sick, her mind can easily collapse. Don't compare yourself at times like this."

Wen Shuya's father passed away from illness last year. Luc Hoai Xuyen helped her take care of the funeral, contact the cemetery, and also helped transfer her mother to the hospital where he worked. At that time, he said, his colleague was there, and he only gave a helping hand. I have never stopped it. Now that I think about it, I never really stopped him.

“Go away.”

I bowed my head and continued to rearrange my father's medical records. Luc Hoai Xuyen walked to the door, seemed to realize that my reaction was too calm, and immediately turned to look at me.

“Waiting for the situation to stabilize, I will try to return early.”

“No need.”

“What?”

“I said, no need to rush.”

After the door closed, I sat on the carpet for a long time. There's still food in the refrigerator I made that afternoon. I also ordered a cake, and the store staff even asked me what I wanted to write on it. Originally, I wrote: *5th year, and counting many years later.* No need to use it anymore. I called the bakery and told them they didn't need to deliver. Then I contacted a lawyer. When the phone was connected, the other party was still working overtime.

“Miss Tham, what issue do you want advice on?”

I caressed the worn edges of my father's medical record.

“Divorce.”

“5 year marriage, no children, house is pre-marital property, daily income managed separately.”

“I want to get it done as soon as possible.”

The lawyer asked: "Does the other party know?"

“Don't know yet.”